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A Christmas to Remember, not Formember

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As I have started typing this, I’ve stopped 12 times. Not because a baby was crying, or the doorbell rang, or a pot of water was bubbling over… rather, because I am one hundred percent distracted at this time of year.

I have gotten up to straighten the garland on my stairs, which brings me so much joy, but needed a few tweaks with the berries and eucalyptus intermingling. Then I sit down and notice it needs more. I have microwaved my coffee no less than 7 times. I have changed the YouTube Christmas station twice. I have daydreamed about what exact pop-of-red should go on my new flocked tree. And that is only the tip of the iceberg.

Why am I so distracted?

Is it possible that the things that I have poured myself into and dawned my senses and stairways with, are bringing me joy but along with an element of surface static that interferes with true peace?

Now, I am absolutely not suggested we rip down the decorations, turn off the music, and drink cold coffee. ( That sounds like pure torture to me!) However, we might need to train our brains and hearts to filter through the world’s noise- be it with our ears, eyes, or feelings-and grab a hold of the true sense of the season- the Truth.

Something that I struggle with, a real false platform for joy- (a foolproof set up for disappointment) is trying to recreate things year after year. Not classic traditions, but moments and memories that are hinged on EVERY single detail being strategically acted out like a scene from a play. Year after year.

Do you know why this is impossible to do? Because life changes. Children grow up, you move, your favorite stores move, Santas village moves, your jeans might not fit the same, and you can’t find the box of inflatables for the front lawn. ( These are insanely accurate…)

If all my joy comes in the form of a box- from the basement, from Amazon, or from memories in my head- what happens when things are lost? Or delayed? Changed or forgotten?

This year, I am embarking on a journey to open my arms to embrace change in the unknown and new, while anchoring my heart in the traditions and unshakable true meaning.

We need to remember.

It can be lost in the garlands, the shopping, the parties, the rushing, in the busy.

My sweet four-year-old, June, has coined the phrase ,”Formember.” Bless her heart, she is trying to correctly say “remember,” but it comes out as an adorable merge of the two opposites: forget and remember.

She had me thinking over microwaving my coffee not long ago, that we do this a lot.

We formember. We forget all the good within a moment, we forget all the ways in which we have been blessed, we forget the true meaning in it all. But we sure remember what didn’t happen, how we were disappointed, how things didn’t measure up, and how we’ve let people down. We keep track of these things like Santa’s magic list, yet the important things have escaped our minds.

This, my friends, could be why this time of year feels so hard, so heavy, so overwhelming.

It isn’t meant to be this way.

Is there a place where we could lean into change, imperfect plans, fallen garlands, and grown-up lists: and let Him in?

The word Emmanuel means God with us. He is here, He is coming again. But are we ready? Have we made room in our busy lives to welcome the baby- the One who saves?

For all the Christmas Carol fans, a little trivia…

Do you know what the word Ebenezer means? Where it comes from?

“The prophet Samuel set up a stone, calling it “Ebenezer” (Stone of Help) to commemorate God’s deliverance of Israel from the Philistines, signifying “Thus far the Lord has helped us”. It’s a spiritual practice of building tangible or mental monuments (like collecting tokens or memories) to remember God’s faithfulness, fostering gratitude and faith for future challenges, and preventing forgetfulness…”

-Google

Charles Dickens chose his main character’s name, not randomly, but in honor of the true meaning of Christmas.

To remember all that God has done, not just be grateful one day a year.

The world wants us to forget.

To quickly gobble up the turkey, then set up our trees, buy presents so early we’ll forget about them in the top part of our closets, get sidetracked with details and dates steadily pushing the lines of our calendars, only to ultimately forget something or someone, and to trek tirelessly through the next weeks- only to finally flop on the couch, exclaiming, “I’m done.”

Sound familiar?

I heard a song on my Country Christmas playlist the other morning entitled, “Make it to Christmas.” The lyrics were heavy laden with pains and tears, frustrations and heartaches, willing and wishing the season to hurry up and be over with a quick countdown.

Oh, how that song made me feel! I don’t want to just make it to Christmas. I want to wait and wonder, pray and ponder, take notice of the naughty, but focus on the nice that we are all capable of, and then fall on my knees at the fragile manger holding my precious Savior.

I want to remember.

Every detail of that breathtaking night.

The prophesies come true, the very first cry breaking the silence, the (hundreds of) angels overtaking the sky, the awe-struck shepherds, the star steadily shining and guiding, and the foundation of faith overshadowing any fear still in Mary’s heart…

Mary pondered. She remembered God’s promises, His Word, His faithfullness and love, and she clung to that with all the unknowns the future held.

Because when you remember, you are changed.

The lyrics from “Do You Hear What I Hear?” spell it out.

[Intro]
Do you hear what I hear?

[Verse 1]
Said the night wind to the little lamb
Do you see what I see?
Do you see what I see?
Way up in the sky, little lamb
Do you see what I see?
Do you see what I see?
A star, a star, dancing in the night
With a tail as big as a kite
With a tail as big as a kite

[Verse 2]
Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear?
Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear?
Do you hear what I hear?
A song, a song, high above the trees
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

[Verse 3]
Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king
Do you know what I know?
Do you know what I know?
In your palace warm, mighty king
Do you know what I know?
Do you know what I know?
A child, a child shivers in the cold
Let us bring Him silver and gold
Let us bring Him silver and gold

[Verse 4]
Said the king to the people everywhere:
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace, people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child, sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light

First we see, then we hear, we begin to know, then we can tell.

Spread the Good News of great tidings!

If you are weary, REMEMBER He came to restore, strengthen, and heal.

If change scares you, REMEMBER He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

If you don’t feel full of joy, REMEMBER the heavens and angels rejoicing with His long-awaited arrival.

If you are overwhelmed, REMEMBER that He brings overwhelming peace and hope.

It is in Jesus that we find it all.

And there is no better time to remember that then now.

Merry Christmas, everyone! God bless!

BONUS : Christmas Craft- Galaxy Ornaments

Materials: clear plastic ornaments, baking soda, your favorite colors in craft paints, ribbon for stringing ( & paper plates and mats to help reduce messes)

Step 1) Open the ornament by taking off the top. Pour in about a tablespoon of baking soda.

Step 2) Move the ornament around to evenly distribute the baking soda throughout the inside. You will see a slight white film.

Step 3) Pour in your favorite color paints- in no particular order! I just squeeze for a few seconds and then switch colors. *my recommendation is to add white, a pearl color, black, or shimmery gold- they add such depth!

Step 4) Put the top of the ornament back on and turn sideways to gently start the swirling process. This is important: DO NOT RAPIDLY MIX! Or TURN UPSIDE DOWN. You want the colors to gradually touch and blend- this is the cool process by which the baking soda keeps the colors true and not muddy. And the excess paint will leak out of the hole in the top if you hold it upside-down :o(

*keep gently tilting until you like the finished product ( it will somewhat keep moving around for an hour or do, once hung on the tree)

Step 5) Tie a ribbon and hang!

God is in the Details: From Silverware to Silver-linings

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I really do not like to empty the silverware section of the dishwasher. It is a chaotic compiling of shiny baby pitchforks, tiny sharp spears, and petite shovels. It confuses me, takes too long, and well… I just don’t like it. Am I alone?

But something did occur to me as I was unloading it the other day. It is all of those things above, but it’s also something more: it’s a bunch of little things.

By comparison, the other two sections of the dishwasher are full of larger, more substantial things. Things that take up a lot of room, so it doesn’t take long to unload and stack away. Cups, mugs, casserole dishes, kid plates, crockpot lids, Tupperware, etc. Those sections just seem to go smoothly and quickly.

And did I mention that in our new home, in this new dishwasher, the silverware is in a hidden top compartment, above all the rest, and you have to take the time to separate each piece of silverware- you can’t just throw them willy-nilly in the basket. It is a terribly tedious process.

What on earth does this have to do with anything?

Oh, now if I told you that right away- you wouldn’t keep on reading, would you? So, hold tight. I’ll get back to that I promise. It’s in the title, I have to…

On to a few weekends ago:

I’ll paint the picture- it’s the end of a rainy weekend up in Philly, where the much anticipated yearly West Chester Chili Cook-off was postponed, (but we had a ton of fun anyway!), we are packing up the car very late. Hubby had a work call for 3 hours that evening and we had decided earlier in the weekend that it would be better for him to have the virtual meeting at my parent’s- rather then try to race back home to DC, fighting Columbus day traffic, and try to take the call at our house.

You know those good ideas you have- that turn out not to be one of those good ideas in the end?

This was one of them.

I repeat: it is late. We have been keeping the babies up so they would sleep in the car. They are hot messes. Hubby has been on calls on day and his biggest one for hours through dinnertime. Just setting the tone.

Now, normally- he is in charge of packing the vehicle. He hates it, but does it very well. Like a Jenga game married Tetris. And had a dozen baby bags. He fits things in nooks and crannies like a professional mover. Everything has it’s place. But he has kindly requested that we keep our travel luggage to a minimum- allowing the ever so practical one large, even extra-large! bag per female. He and Knox share, of course. How do boys do it?

Well, it is at this junction that I mention that all the fun we had while NOT being outside at a chili festival was had inside stores shopping for the upcoming festivities of Halloween and Christmas. Enter new bags. Small bags. The ones my husband loathes.

My sweet father tried to start talking bags out to the car while Adam was on the long call, to help out- because He is the best helper on the planet. But my mom and I stopped him in his tracks. We reminded dad that Adam has a system, and you don’t want to mess with it.

In normal circumstances, while hubby packs the car, I go floor to floor, seeking lost items and tiny treasures. My children often think that leaving one shoe, open hair products, phone chargers, uniform socks, and favorite stuffies are just what needs to stay behind. So mine is always a busy job, no matter where we go.

But my girls exploded this time. Things were everywhere. I was instantly overwhelmed with all I had to do. I had a baby in my arms, a toddler tripping my feet, teens being told what to do but not doing it- and all while trying to stay quiet for the important phone call.

Enter helper Dad. He took it upon himself to check in corners and under couches for lost Stoltzfus stuff. Bless his heart.

We manage to get into my SUV, approximately one hour later than hoped, packed to the brim with large bags, and a few too many tiny ones. Oh, and it’s raining. Again.

We say our goodbyes and begin the journey home- tired, wet, frustrated with each other, and with life in general. And just plain mad with Knox, who was panting at a record pace in my face, and stepping all over the crunchy shopping bags. All are weary with the work week knocking at the door- now only a few hours away.

38 minutes into the ride, a call comes in from my father. My mind fears an emergency or we’ve left something. It was the later. ( Thank heavens in the big scheme of things. )

“Oh, hunny- I’ve just found a computer bag and a computer inside. Is it one of the girls’? Do you need this?”

Blood begins boiling.

“Yes, Dad- we do need that. And we’ll turn around and be back in about 45 minutes to grab it.”

After convincing my sweet helper father to stay put in this nasty weather and not drive out to meet us halfway, we are now going the opposite direction of home and have added approximately 1.5 hours to our trip. We are teetering on arriving past midnight…

I fought the immediate instinct to lecture. I fought it for a hard 3 minutes. Then, I burst.

I expressed my disappointment and what incredible inconvenience, inconsideration, and irresponsibility was displayed. Yet I kept feeling like it was not resonating. At all.

So I stewed in the front seat. I stewed hard.

I boiled, and bubbled, and bit my lip about lecturing again.

I was not in a good place.

Finally, ( and sadly- it took this long) I prayed.

I prayed for this feeling to go away- to somehow be free of this resentment towards the situation.

To let go of things I cannot control: like traffic, bad weather, forgotten laptops, rowdy toddlers, pet panting, and my husband’s insanely busy schedule.

With each breath, I released it all.

I’m not proud to say it was almost a full hour before I had come to a place of calm.

When I knocked down the walls of negativity and released the anxious and angry thoughts, I opened myself up to actually realizing what was happening around me.

Quiet.

4 sleeping girls, a snoozing pup, a teenager looking out the window, and my husband’s 90’s country playlist sneaking through the front of the car. Adam was softly singing along and smiling.

The moment and music instantly took me back to when we first met.

And there it was. A present. Right in front of me.

I always want time. Quiet time, more time, or time rewinded. Which you can never, ever really have.

But that night, I had it. I was given the gift of time- all kinds of time.

At first what was unwanted ultimately unraveled into cute conversations, quizzing questions, and long overdue connections. A true silver-lining.

A deep part of me was healed that night.

We may have gotten in way past midnight, but I awoke the next morning with an extra layer of patience, peace, understanding, and love.

Okay. Back to the silverware and my title.

The silverware is annoying. It takes time, you have to pay attention while sorting. But what if I learned to think of the task differently? If I’ve been given an opportunity to slow down, count, sort, pay attention- than let it not be in vain. What if with each piece of silverware, I named a blessing? A person, place, or thing I am grateful to have in my life… how would I feel after the dish drawer was empty? Could I possibly feel full? With no room to complain?

As it is with God.

After hearing so many songs and phrases uttering that “the devil is in the details,” I have come here to argue that it is God who is in the details.

He orchestrates it all. The big AND little.

He is in it all. The big AND little.

God didn’t have to take the time to make things so amazing, but He did. Is there a better time to acknowledge that idea than in the midst of this Fall foliage season? Why didn’t He create a world with seasons that turn from one to another like a light switch- “on” and “off”? He could have, but instead, He carefully crafted a world chalk full of details, like the bursting of radiant color on a tiny leaf, that encourage us to stop for a moment and celebrate. He didn’t have to, but He did.

Because He is good.

It does not mean that everything feels good all the time, we certainly can’t listen to the world on that one.

But, once you adjust your vision to see Him threaded in the small moments and you notice His goodness, it just may be easier to see His hand holding yours in the troubles and hardships.

God is reaching out.

Seek Him. First.

In the mundane, the annoying, the overlooked, the unwanted.

In the detours and the details.

And maybe then, we’ll see Him in the silverware and the silver-linings.

Jesus Take the Wheel…But Please Turn Here

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I had a dream I was a truck driver. Not like my husband’s truck- a snazzy, souped-up Silverado. No, this was a true tracker trailer, with 18 wheels, and lots of heavy stuff being carried. The incredible irony to this sleepy situation is my deathly fear of trucks on the highway. I actually have severe hand sweat and clench my teeth when passing them on any road.

But in my dream- I was crazy confident, cautious, and even calm while carrying all that heavy stuff through high hills and deep valleys.

I think I am supposed to learn something here…

Back to the “Back to School” grind- and I’m far from calm. Rather, a full on mess of supply lists, hunting down the allusive knee-high 100% cotton, but not-too scratchy, ( and “No, Mom- I did not throw out the other one in the trash over the summer”, or “I have NO idea how those got huge holes in the toes, must have been while I wore them to play in the street every night at the beach”) uniform socks in an impossible shade of blue , Ubering to pre-season tryouts, answering emails and signing up for things, trolling the internet for deals on lunchboxes that are cute, but not too cute for teens, but somehow still have a mature, high-school version of Hello Kitty on them…I’m seriously exhausted just typing this.

Am I alone?

There’s a deafening silence here, so Im going to use my imagination and pretend theres a huge auditorium of tired moms with coffee stains on their shirts and hands being raised!

I feel you, ladies. I really do.

Do I have any answers?

Oh, how I wish.

But, in true form of why I started this blog over 10 years ago- I will share a little of what I have learned in hopes of helping others. <3

In Church the other day while in the “quiet room,” which is more like a panic room with not-so-soundproof police glass, I managed to hear a few words from the sermon.

The priest said, “Obedience is like Faith with legs.” Oooo. I like that, I thought. I began pondering that statement and really wanted to hear what he said next, but was quickly brought back to the reality of my situation when Riley slung a full bottle of milk across the not-so-quiet room at MLB-pitcher speed. I retrieved the weapon, apologized profusely, and began pondering the age old question of “Why did God make babies so freakishly strong?”

Alas- back to the priest.

I really do love that idea: Faith with Legs…

We talked more about it on the way home in the car and the older girls were incredibly enlightened by the comment also. We spoke of how “biblical obedience” was all done quickly. No one, after being called by God, summoned by Jesus, or asked by an angel, took a quick shower and skirted into Starbucks before getting on the road. They just DID IT. They dropped everything, without reason or thought, and followed. Well, not everyone. I do love the cautionary tale of good ol’ Jonah…

There is so much to learn from this and I think we underestimate the power of “obey, right away.” That’s where the HUGE piece of faith comes in. Not after we’ve examined all the possibilities, mapped out the potential courses, printed things out, cross checked, and have a real game plan. It’s doing all of it blindly.

Now, what on earth does this have to do with Back to School?

Everything.

If having a foundation in faith is brought alive by obedience, there is true peace in it. God isn’t going to ask something of you that He hasn’t already cross checked, mapped out, and really thought through. And He’s God. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. They are better. Always. But they don’t always make sense to us, and it’s not always crystal clear.

So, I am going to use my imagination again and pretend I heard what came next in the sermon. Obedience IS faith with legs. But in a world where we think more is better, ( more sign ups, more sports teams, more school supplies, more suppers on the go, )it’s also sometimes just staying still.

So, obedience is going AND staying?

Yes. And we need God’s wisdom to know the difference.

There will be times when following God’s voice will look like picking up your running shoes and joining a race. ( sometimes, even running the opposite way!) And there will be times when following His voice looks like putting things down down for a minute, or even a whole season.

Just ask Him what He wants of you.

We’re not meant to always know the difference, and we’re certainly not meant to do it alone.

So, dear friends- this school year: with a high-schooler, two middle schoolers, a toddler in Pre-K, and a mobile little one-year-old, I am choosing to let Jesus Take the Wheel. And not to be a bickering backseat driver, telling him my perfect plans and hopes and desired snack stops. But to try to fully trust in His love for me, my girls, and our lives. His roads, His detours, His destinations.

And you know what? The more I think back to that tracker trailer dream…I guess it wasn’t me driving after all. <3

A Housefull of Love

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As June and I were sitting on the porch today playing withe Magnatiles, I learned a valuable lesson. Well, two…

First, an almost-walking baby Riley plus anything carefully constructed ( Barbie houses, magnets, blocks) is the equivalent of Godzilla attacking an unarmed city…

So we waited to play until baby girl was napping. #smarternotharder

But the second lesson learned, is a real humdinger.

Good things take time.

I know, you probably already know that- but I think I forget this very simple thing. I tend to weigh my worth on wether things happen quickly, efficiently, perfectly, precisely, and in big ways. If they don’t, well- I get a big, fat, red X in the box for the day. And a certificate is in the mail stating I am a terrible person.

However, my Heavenly Father is using my darling children to tell me otherwise.

When we started off, June and I dumped out the basket and just started building. I was building my next dream house, of multiple rooms with floor to ceiling windows, a perfect view of the backyard, while functionally located close to the kitchen, and June was building a house for her princesses.

She and I happily went on our way building and we each thought our houses were perfect, until we tried to place things inside the homes. Every time we reached and opened windows and doors, things fell. We kept tying to set things back up, high up and perfectly, but they just kept flapping down. And we looked around to secure up the structures, we quickly realized we had run out of magnets all together. It only took one quick swoosh of the puppy’s tail as he went flying by to knock both buildings down.

Instead of giving up, ( I did eventually give up my dream of having a home completely made from windows and fancy doors) we regrouped and I looked at her sweet face and apologized for hogging all the magnets. I told her to just start building, and I’d be here to watch and help when she needed.

I sat there watching her, and instead of mimicking my superior strategy of tall and high, she started building little rooms.

After building a room, she gently placed a princess, frog, or Peppa Pig inside- no collapsing.

In her world, she focused on building only what was needed- one magnet at a time, room by room, person by person. Her architectural achievements included such things as a tower with walls for Rapunzel and her art palate, a landing pad for Jasmine and her magic carpet, a room full of dirt and water for Peppa, and a spectacular space for Snow White to look out for dwarfs or a prince who happened to be riding by.

With each of these, Junie took the time to play with each character, making sure they were comfortable in their new environment and ready to be all alone while more constructing occurred. She left them with love.

The best part? When all when said and done, she even had magnets left over. I seriously was having a loaves and fishes moment….

What did June teach me this morning? Good things take time. And to take a step back from trying to do all things in all ways and build skyscrapers.

Just build the things around you. Slowly.

Linger a little, love a whole lot.

#summerthoughts

Spoiler alert- Jesus wins

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I love to start off my posts sometimes with a bunch of truths. Truths about life, motherhood, mistakes, messes, and all things real.

In my experience- people like to relate and connect to what they’re reading- like a virtual high-five. So, get that hand ready. Here we go. In no particular order….

I forgot to pick up my kids a couple weeks ago.

I overloaded the washing machine ( for the 100th time) and almost broke it and made my husband very mad.

I let the Amazon guy push a huge 200 lb box across our newly refinished floors, thus scratching them.

I didn’t put on gloves while dying Easter eggs this morning and now my fingers are marbled.

And I’m pretty sure my kids don’t like me.

Now, this is the deafening silence where I pray someone reading this has felt any of these things. If not, I’m just going to keep on clicking the keys. I have both littles taking naps. *Although I did send the toddler to bed with her newly dyed Easter egg, and that was probably a terrible idea because she’ll probably drop the egg from her top bunk and her room will smell like a huge poo and she will be down any second. So I’ll be quick.

While driving the kids around this past week, ( I do my best thinking while driving) I kept having the imagery of light pouring in from darkness. And letters were dancing around in my head, rearranging and coming to life.

This was all paired with scenes flashing from the guilt and shame of my recent parenting where all I do is try to correct, raise them well, and bring them closer but what it feels like is nothing short of yelling, arguing, and walls being put up. I have pretty much felt like a huge failure in this department for a long, cold, barren season now.

Much like winter.

Dreary, frigid, desolate, silent, and what seems like a huge halt in growth.

But that’s not the truth, is it?

In the darkness of winter, there is so much we cannot see. We’ve actually decided there is nothing even there.

Much like inside hearts.

I finally made sense of the letters roaming around in my head. It is a prayer for my children (and myself.)

S. I. C. K.

Selfish, Inconsiderate, Compassionate, Kind.

A total Transformation.

You see, we’re all stuck somewhere, in need of healing, new life breathed into us. Some time we are aware of what we need, other times- it’s everyone else who knows it first.

Only Jesus can do this. Not me.

I cannot burn myself out trying to change hearts.

Only Jesus can do this. Not me.

I cannot perform miracles and expect laundry and dishes to be done with a smile.

Only Jesus can do this. Not me.

My job is to lift them up to the ONE who made them and loves them infinitely more than I could ever try to. And LET Him work within them, while I let Him work with my messes and mistakes.

Nothing wasted.

In the darkness, there is much going on. ( Look around!)

No better time to reflect on this amazing miracle than during Holy Week.

7 days.

Joy. Betrayal. Solitude. Pain. Darkness. Quiet. Triumph.

God transformed all the dark into light.

Brighter than we could ever imagine.

The world was blanketed in messes and mistakes. And you might feel that’s all you’re wearing these day- a snuggy wrapping up all your flaws and failures.

But walk with Him, talk with Him. Give up all your hurt, pain, sorrow and see what He can do.

Don’t stay stuck in the news of Friday…the place where hope seems lost.

Rather, have faith in the silence of Saturday, the promises, and all that cannot be seen- yet.

Believe that Sunday is coming. And when it does, bask in the beautiful light and new LIFE.

Because of the truth:

He wins. <3

Because 10-1 doesn’t have to end up at Zero

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I forgot to email the yearbook teacher. I have just realized this as my teen is stomping towards me in the parking lot with arms crossed and daggers in her eyes. I profusely apologize and yet make no headway at all. The car is sickeningly silent when I pull out of the school. I try to strike up a conversation with another offspring- but it’s another strike out. I continue to say all the wrong things. My effort is not getting across- it’s 100% lost in translation. I decide to just stop talking. But now the silence is deafening and my anxiety is creeping in with ongoing dates, applications, emails, Amazon returns, meetings, decisions, deadlines, how two packs of 100 calorie confetti muffins have suddenly made my pants tighter, and the ever-present question of what’s actually for dinner.

I can’t help but feel that I’m made for more than this heaviness. That the Math is wrong. That for every 10 steps forward I make, ( I had actually spent the whole morning mapping out schedules, creating checklists, doing piles of laundry that isn’t mine, etc.) that the ONE thing I do wrong or forget to do- determines the whole outcome of my day. How can I ever expect to come out on top when my faults keep finding a way to knock me flat down to zero?

This is a perfect time to segway to state that I have (sadly)actually envisioned my own funeral where after my husband has said a long list of nice things, my children stand up and make note of the fact that I said they couldn’t go to the mall by themselves, or how I refuse to buy them Airpods until they finally find the floor in their room. And then the church is dismissed and this is how people remember me.

Alas, in an attempt to dust myself off on this one area that I am perpetually plagued with day in and day out, I try looking up for help. I flipped through the pages of my marked Bible in hopes of finding a verse to cling to, or solid words to stand on. But what I found between the pages and tucked into stories was way better: God’s math rarely makes sense, either.

*Why would a shepherd leave the 99 obedient sheep for the ONE lost?

*Why would a woman turn her house upside down, ignoring the eight coins she has already, looking for a single one?

*How do you feed 5,000 with five loaves and two fish with 12 baskets left over?

*How do you forgive someone 70 X 7?

How do you reach for FIRST but stay LAST?

I’ve come to the decision that the only way to combat the constant cycle of being knocked down in the walloping wave of worry and guilt is to erase all I know about numbers. Today, my ONE good deed will trump all the millions of ways I think I’ve screwed up. And the opposite applies: today, the ONE thing I forgot to do, or did wrong, will not weigh more than all my footsteps forward. It will not take me back to zero.

Today, tomorrow, for the foreseeable future- don’t get lost in earthly equations. Not only do they not add up, but you’ll go crazy trying to figure out the “how?” and “why?”

Try something new and hold fast to God’s way of doing things. It won’t always make sense, work out the way you’d thought, and come out balanced or equal. And I’m beyond grateful it doesn’t. Because the love of ONE on the cross took away ALL my mistakes. Past, present, and future. And friends, that’s not Math, it’s called Hope.

True Colors ( plus a bonus pumpkin decor DIY!)

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I love a good meme. I saw some the other day that were surrounding Fall and they just gave me a good giggle. The one that got me the most-

Two weekends ago, when the weather dipped below 80 degrees, I busted out my crockpot- made 15 lbs of chili, let my husband watch endless hours of college football instead of Bluey, lit up every pumpkin pie spice latte candle in the house, and threw on my only chunky sweater.

You could say I was ready for the change.

The funny thing was, the change did not actually last very long. Within the next week- we were back up in the 80’s. And I’m still eating leftover chili.

What is it about this magical season that we long for? One of my daughters pointed out the other day on the way to school that, “I beg for summer and sunny, warm weather and then when I get it, all I want is winter and cold, snowy weather.” Yup. Sounds about right.

As much as people claim to not like change, there seems to be a true pining, a yearning for it each year. I believe it’s why the Fall season is so widely loved. With hints of cinnamon, apple, and pumpkin in our foods, warmth in the textures of our clothes, a chill in the air, and a place by the fire calling our names- it all just makes for a welcoming, friendly time of year.

And for me, it’s the leaves. Not to sound cliche or even silly- but I truly love watching the leaves change. In fact, I was so busy admiring the leaves on a huge Maple tree, that I was a sitting duck for falling acorns. One hit me so hard directly on the crown of my head that I actually yelled out, “OUUUUUUCH! That really HURT!” It was so loud that I apparently scared the dickens out of June laying there in the stroller.

I shared in my latest book, Just Compose Yourself, (in a list of confessions) that I once packed my ziplock bags, dusted off my best sneakers, and holding a flyer from a telephone pole that read “Neighborhood Leaf Collection”- went out to meet my neighbors… to collect leaves.

Turns out… that I was slightly mistaken, and the trucks were coming to grab piles of your raked up leaves. And that was it.

So, after a good laugh every year at this time, I still stop and pick up leaves, collecting them as a reminder of the beauty within.

I say within, because- get ready- a fun, scientific fact about Fall leaves: the color has been in them the whole time. Due to the lessening of the sun shining, and the lack of chlorophyll created, the overwhelming green diminishes, and the leave’s true colors are revealed.

Having that little tidbit of information in my back pocket has helped me with all the changes going on in my own life. This is a busy time of year. I am now spending the better portion of my day in the car-commuting my children to their different schools, toting a tantrum-y toddler around, (she actually launched a handful of Dunkin’ Donuts tater tots at me from the backseat yesterday) helping with hours of homework and test prep, signing permission slips left and right, all while trying not to burn dinner, dropping and cheering the girls at their three different sports, and tucking them all in with bedtime stories and kisses. And as a result- not even getting close to knocking things off my own daily to-do or would-like-to-do lists.

To be honest, it’s very tempting to lay down each night underappreciated and wake up each day overwhelmed.

But, as I rise each morning, to a quiet, dark house- I have tried to sit up in bed and whisper these 16 simple words before ever touching the floor or grabbing my phone. And believe me, the devil will take swings at you when you try this- telling you that this is too small of a step and it won’t make a difference. But friends, it is making a difference- all the difference in the world.

It’s a reset button. It’s not one more thing- it’s the ONLY thing, when I’m feeling this way. When I’m overwhelmed, I’m choosing to be overwhelmed by Him. I feel it setting the stage for Thankfulness- realizing I am still blessed while over my head in the mess.

And being “glad”? It requires opening our eyes, ears, and other senses to the good (its in there!) that lies beneath. Sometimes it’s just buried beneath the to-do’s, the paperwork, the miles in the car, the hugs and heartaches.

No day has been perfect, but there is more joy in my Fall season this year. And it’s not just my from the warmth of chunky sweater or the sweet smell of the hundreds of pumpkin spice everything. It’s truly as if I’m seeing all the beauty and colors in my daily world that had actually always been there, but were covered up before.

So, my friends- pick up that PSL, go for a walk, and look around. Recite Psalm 118 and meditate on those words. The Lord made this day. The next 24 of your hours are a gift. So, embrace it for all can be and all it is. See the beauty in the true colors of the spilled coffee, the mistakes and mayhem, remembering that seasons come and seasons go. But there is good to be glad in. Just don’t forget to watch for those falling acorns.

BONUS-DIY pumpkin decor

CUTENESS overload, right? These are so easy to make- just follow the simple steps below!

Materials: ( I used everything laying around my house- when I want to craft- I want to craft right away! )

  1. ribbon in orange-y colors
  2. a background- I used leftover tiles from Coaster craft night – you could also use a canvas, card stock, an old picture frame, etc.
  3. gold wire or wired twine
  4. brown card stock or a brown paper bag
  5. scissors and glue gun

Step 1) Take the end of your first ribbon and after twisting it a bit, pinch to hold tight.

Step 2) Make a dot of hot glue in the center of your background and push your twisted ribbon onto it.

Step 3) Continue to twist your ribbon and gluing it in a circle.

Step 4) Decide when you want to switch the ribbon colors- it could be a back and forth pattern or just half and half! Cut the first ribbon free.

Step 5) Take your second ribbon and following step 1, attach it right to the end of your first ribbon. Begin twisting and winding and gluing.

Step 6) Finish your pumpkin shape and cut the ribbon free.

Step 7) Cut a stem from the brown card stock and glue it on top.

Step 8) Wrap your finger in the gold wire to curl it, cut free, and glue it to the stem.

Voila! Display and enjoy!

“Hello, Hungry…Meet Bored!”

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Being that this is not my first rodeo, I don’t think that it’s too far fetched to anticipate hearing my sweet kiddies grumble a tiny bit over the summer’s eight weeks. Do I have a plan? Oh, yes. I always have plans. It’s just that life doesn’t always go according to those perfect plans!

After watching a little Bluey the other day, JuJu and I sat on the floor, papers everywhere, with a huge bin of crayons. We were drawing and coloring and life was absolutely grand. Until she tried to eat three crayons, dumped the bin, and slipped backward on the pile of papers. I’m nailing this whole mom thing.

What did I learn from this little experience? A few things, actually. 1) As the Rascal Flatts song says, “Crayons go up one drawer higher…” and 2) That coloring is really fun. Like the scribbling with a 2-year old, outside the lines, not even trying to be perfect- coloring. And just like that, I came up with my summer plan.

Add some C.O.L.O.R!

C- Craft away! For those of you who know me well, it’s totally not surprising to see this. But I really want to encourage those around me to just get messy, create, and have fun with whatever you have. There is something so beautiful about the creative process- seeing something rise from nothing. It reminds me that we are a part of God’s masterpiece in the works. Even if you have no idea what your finished product will look like- just dive in! Last summer, my girls’ favorite day of the week was “Make it Monday.” We took trips to crafts stores and they came home and destroyed the dining room table for hours. It was glorious. Grab those watercolors, beads, glue, glitter, yarn, noodles, sticks, ribbon, stickers- whatever you have laying around. Who knows what you might imagine and unleash!

O-Observe and then tag along! Don’t reinvent the wheel- check out what other folks are doing, and where they just went on a local adventure. ( Yes, this gives you full permission to scroll a while on facebook- for research purposes!) A berry farm 45 minutes away? Yes, please! A park with a free sprayground? Grab your crocs! A museum with BOGO tickets on Tuesdays? I’m all in! Then, ask a friend to hit the road with you- the more, the merrier! (And double the hands! And snacks!)

L-Learn something new! Typical of this forever teacher to say, but truthfully- there is something magical about learning at this age. Not my kid’s age, mine! When I homeschooled during COVID, neurons were firing where dust had been collecting. I was so impressed that I could learn the 50 states and capitals to a song, that I sang it as a lullaby and sometimes in the shower! Learning is not just for our youth- so grab that thing you’ve always wanted to get under your belt- and DO it! Big or small: a new language, marinating chicken with Pioneer Woman’s homemade sauce, or finally getting into needlepoint or Yoga -it’s not too late! Just keep that thinker thinking over the steamy, hot days. You’ll be glad you did and you’re setting the best example for your kids, too. Especially if you flop a few times…and get back up again. Good luck~

O-think Outside the box! Head to the land of impromptu and invention. Don’t have time to get to the movies for the newest summer flick? Then ask a neighbor for their projector, grab a sheet, and watch a classic under the stars. Didn’t make it to the pool this afternoon because of a super long nap? Take advantage of the extended hours and swim after a quick dinner. There’s less people, so you might not get fire-hosed by a random water gun, and no sunblock is needed! #winning. Missed the ice cream truck, again?(me!) Play nursery rhymes on your phone, throw some frozen treats in a backpack, and make them chase you down the street. I’m fully convinced it’s the thrill of the hunt that makes the ice cream taste so sweet! Wishing you were with family in Florida? Put some punch in fancy floral paper cups with tiny drink umbrellas, add an inflatable palm tree, and D.I.Y.* some Hawaiian shirts. *Take plain t-shirts, ( or old ones inside out) dollar store leis deconstructed, and glue their flowers all over the shirts! Top it off with Bob Marley or Beach Boys, serve dinner in the backyard on towels- and you have yourself a beach party.

Last but not least, R-Relax! If the idea of a D.I.Y. beach party stresses you out, then please, my sweet friend- don’t do it! If trying to learn something new gives you an overwhelming sense of anxiety- stick to what you do best. These really are only suggestions and no one knows your family better than you do. If the monthly mayhem of sports schedules and school projects makes your head spin, (like mine) just seize the time to NOT do any of those things. I have always seen summer as God’s built-in time out. Not the “You’re in trouble” kind, but rather the gentle, loving “You’ve been running on empty and might break down soon” kind. Life is busy! Especially with a family! Recharging is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s 100 % necessary! My only hope? That you’ll find some time to beat the daily grind and have a bit more bandwidth to make a few more memories.

With friends around, creativity in your back pocket, and new things brewing- I pray you hear a bit less about being “hungry and bored” and a whole lot more “That was fun!” But, alas- kids will be kids, so don’t forget to squeeze out a smile and think of your own childhood as you hand them the last sips of your water bottle and divi out the emergency pocketbook granola bar while driving home from a 17-minute round of pouty putt-putt.

Here’s to a summer thats full of COLOR

and one where we are perfectly planned and ready! (for things not to go so perfectly as planned.)

A present from the girls: one of their favorite Bluey episodes. Have fun completely relating to the entire 7 minutes. Enjoy!

Walking With a Cross

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As I watched The Passion of the Christ the other night, a certain character made his way into my heart for the first time. While I was deeply pained and tears burst forth, I could not take my eyes off Simon of Cyrene. This little-known player in the Passion had me transfixed on the road to Calvary.

The Romans essentially plucked him from the chaotic crowd and demanded he help the suffering Savior.

What was going on in his head and heart as this outrageous offer was made on his behalf? The movie does an amazing job depicting his initial reaction of disgust and unwillingness. He tries to resist and runs away when they first call to him…

Once the militant men on horses have seized him, they force the heavy cross onto his body and he is literally and figuratively face to face with Jesus. His reaction now has begun to change. There is a moment where there is an exchange within their eyes- and for the first time, you see a softer side of Simon. There is confusion and a spark of sorrow as he looks closely upon the blood-stains and brokenness. It must have felt as though the cross was entirely too heavy for one man, almost two. Yet, Jesus walks on- tired, weary, and purposeful.

The two continue on the long road, with its twists and turns, lined with onlookers- some weeping and some spitting. But all eyes are on the cross.

Its weight, crushing the bodies beneath it, digging deep into the wounds of Jesus and into the shoulders of Simon.

They are walking together, arm in arm, sharing the unbearable burden.

If we look closer, we could possibly see how alike we are to this unlikely character…

We, like Simon, are often plucked from the masses to carry a burden we never asked for, never wanted, never thought was meant for us. It seems to us- unbearable, without an end in sight, and void of purpose.

But, if we choose to walk this journey with our Savior, arm in arm, allowing his gaze upon the final purpose to be ours… I believe we might be able to be changed as a result. We are not alone on this journey to suffering. He is always with us, sharing in our trials- strengthening us when we are weak, too frightened and unsure as what lies ahead. His promise of rebuilding and resurrection comes to life in all of us if we will only have faith.

What ever happened to Simon of Cyrene as he left the traumatic scene that day, having walked side by side with our Hope-full Hero to the place of his sacrifice?

There are almost no accounts, which to me, as a story-writing enthusiast, is inexplicably intriguing. Is it because it allows us to place ourselves directly in his shoes? I believe it is up to us to decide what happened next. Because it is the same question being asked of us all…

What will happen next? To you, to me? What will our direction be? I believe with every fiber of my being that Simon of Cyrene was a different man when he walked away. So, will we be changed from this journey we are on? I pray the answer on this day as we remember all that was done for us, is a resounding, rejoicing, reuniting “yes.”

Imagine the joy awaiting us this Easter at the empty tomb…

Balanced as a Bookshelf

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The takedown of the Christmas decorations brings about a serious sadness in our house.

Where there once was light and bright, there is now dust and drab. However, instead of getting stuck in a state of depression this year, I decided to invite the girls to help re-do our bookshelves. I hoped it might bring a bit of excitement, change, and a possible trip to Homesense or Hobby Lobby if I played my cards right. While Mattie was the only taker, truth be told- letting go of the control and watching her artistically place things here and there with a smile, brought some much-needed joy my heart was yearning.

I have been asked many times over the years about staging and styling a home, and while observing Mattie at work, I pondered the possibility that styling a bookshelf might be somehow connected to working on our hearts. I started making a list ( I love lists…) and before I knew it- my t-chart revealed something: they ARE related! And with a little of this and a little of that, all stitched together, one might achieve the ultimate goal- Balance in BOTH!

So, here we go. My attempt to prove that bookshelves and hearts might just be able to use the same “fixer uppers.”

1) Surround yourself with those you love.

In your home: Have those funny, sweet, cherished memories in frames and right on the shelf for you to see and remember. Baby pictures, trips, gatherings, heartfelt notes and sketches- all that you hold dear. They are the pages of your story, and what has made your life worth living!

In your heart: We have many circles of people in our lives. My dear friend, Jonelle, referred to those closest to us as “kitchen friends.” Those are the folks you can invite to your inner most part of your home and heart where the mess is very much ever-present. It’s so important to have such people in your life. Your spouse, your family, a neighbor, even friends from high school or church. Keep them close and try to put in the time. These relationships are going to need more effort, but they are in your life as a gift, so truly treasure them.

2) Reflect the light.

In your home: Since Christmas lights are all put away, (sniff, sniff) try adding a few extra candles, lanterns and mirrors on your shelves. The flickering lights can warm us and give off a sense of coziness we crave. Pair with a gorgeous little mirror and you’ll send that beautiful light dancing across the room, all year ’round!

In your heart: “In the darkest days of the year, the light of a candle is a striking and powerful symbol of hope and good things to come. Light and darkness cannot exist in the same place at the same time, making the moment that light pierces the darkness both stirring and breathtaking. Every light in a dark place can dispel despair, illuminate hope and provide needed perspective of things as they really are.” – excerpt from https://www.deseret.com/opinion/2019/12/22/21029929/opinion-the-lights-of-christmas-bring-hope-to-a-darkened-world-george-bush

In a world full of heads down, be the reason someone looks up. Throw kindness like it’s confetti! Hold a door, smile more, surprise a stranger with a compliment, look someone you know straight in the eyes-and tell them that they are doing a good job. You’ll be amazed to see how it can warm a hungry, hurting soul.

3) Stay motivated and encouraged.

In your home: My husband and sister have a running joke that my house is a library- on the premise that there are things to read EVERYWHERE. This is 100% true. I even have coffee mugs that say “coffee”, just in case you forgot what you’re drinking. One night, my husband started sweetly saying things to me out of the blue about love and family- and I thought after 15 years of marriage he was finally speaking my love language. But when I focused on his glances and followed his eyes, I realized he was literally reading the signs around our living room. Well played, hubby. But really, to me- it’s more than the decor. I do love a good whitewashed farmhouse sign with the words “Blessed Mama” accented in gold foil. It’s so, so pretty! It also serves as a constant reminder of how even the yucky days-the ones when I can’t seem to get anything right- ( yesterday… last week… the whole month of December…) are still a gift from above. Bible verses, books, framed art- keep yourself inspired by all you see!

In your heart: According to Google- the top resolutions for 2023 were as follows:

  • Exercise more.
  • Lose weight.
  • Get organized.
  • Learn a new skill or hobby.
  • Live life to the fullest.

Raise your hand if you’ve attempted one these?

Raise your hand if you stopped one of these around Groundhog Day?

No judgement here! Let’s focus on the positive! What if, instead of expecting a head-to-toe overall, we work towards making small steps in the right direction? And a huge pat on the back when there is growth made? In lieu of the upcoming Martin Luther King Jr. day,

Celebrate the little things! Be the best bed maker, diaper changer, laundry folder, or trash-taker-outer the state of Virginia has ever seen. And then grab that momentum and keep on going…

4) Think happy thoughts.

In your home: Think of your favorite place to be- a store, a restaurant, a destination. What colors are you surrounded with? What textures? If you’re a flower person- I recommend having loads of plants and faux peonies on those shelves of yours. If you love traveling- have many pieces that reflect the world: little globes, maps, trinkets from places visited. These items make you smile when you see them, so don’t keep them tucked away. Put them on display!

In your heart: If it’s Yoga, painting, ax-throwing or binge watching Hallmark movies- create time for you to be in your “happy place.” You are filling your bucket and, therefore, preparing to fill others. I cannot help but think of the scene from Legally Blonde when Reese Witherspoon’s character, Elle Woods, sweetly states that, “Exercise creates endorphins and endorphins make people happy and happy people don’t just kill their husbands. They just don’t.” Maybe not biblically sound advice, but the theology behind these words might be worth holding on to…

5) Embrace the negative space- it can be a positive thing!

In your home: I have found, after staring at my newly ordered shelves while eating my breakfast, that the occasional blank space highlights the wonderful things I already have. Not to mention, leaving room for a new piece I might just find in the future. Ahhh hemmmm, shopping trip?

In your heart: Those of you who know me well probably just spit out your coffee reading about I am suggesting that you free up your life a little. So, to clarify, I am not claiming to be good at this- I am actually in recovery. From 42 years of being a “yes gal.” But I am working on this. Daily. I’ll never forget the time I received an email asking for a last minute volunteer from one of the girls’ teachers many years ago. I read the email and immediately thought, “I can TOTALLY do this…” Meanwhile, I should totally NOT do this. After approximately 8.2 seconds of thought, I was writing the reply to the teacher and my email made the ding noise again. I minimized my note and saw it was from my husband, who was working in the basement. I opened it to see the word “NO” typed in capital letters at the top of the teacher’s forwarded email. I forgot that I had added his name to the class list serve. Another solid point for the hubby. He KNEW I would respond with a quick and typically overzealous yes, and without any idea of what the cost was. And it always comes at a cost… So my advice for the new year? Learn from my mistakes and keep those free moments free. You might need them someday soon for something spectacular and unexpected.

My last New Year ‘s home and heart nugget is probably the most important. So I’ve saved it for the end.

Remember how IKEA has the warnings on all their shelves and dressers to be secured to the wall so that they won’t fall or collapse with all the weight? The truth can be said for our hearts, too. While we can’t possible predict what each day or the upcoming year will actually bring, I encourage you to anchor yourself with a firm foundation. What would happen if we didn’t rely seven days a week on our own strength and abilities, but rather stayed tethered to the steadfast love and resurrection power available to us each morning?

Remember that having an anchor doesn’t ensure smooth and perfect waters- for a boat or our hearts. In fact, the mere presence of one guarantees there will be serious rocking while the waves and world toss you back and forth. But rest in it’s purposeful promise, His promise- you’ll never be swept away…no matter how great the storm.

Balance in life doesn’t mean YOU have it all under control… quite the contrary. It means you have a secret weapon.

And my heart could use a little of that…

I pray as you enter this New Year, you feel more confident in your decorating skills and excited about what the future holds.

In 2023, surround yourself with those you love, reflect the light, stay motivated and encouraged, think happy thoughts, embrace the negative space, and stay anchored to the source. Who would have thought our hearts have so much in common with our bookcases? Here’s to a year of beautiful, bountiful balance in both!

Happy New Year, dear friends.