Reviews & Musings

Fool me twice: A cautionary tale

August 24, 2018 by Monica 2 Comments

Fool me once – shame on you.

Fool me twice- shame on ME.

Sound familiar?

Well, it has turned into my mothering mantra.

I continue to make the same mistakes over and over again- and what’s worse: I continue to come out flabbergasted at the end results.

EVERY TIME.

So when will I learn?

Take today’s little last-minute “grab the end of Summer by the horns” kind of adventure:

I venture out to Burnside Farms with our friends, a place I have wanted to go for years.

It is known for its gorgeous sunflowers in the later Summer/Fall and its stunning tulips in the Spring.

A photographer’s dream, truly.

Or at least a mom with a fully juiced IPHONE’s dream.

And a pleasant dream, it started out as…

Car packed with snacks, drinks, DVDs, and the address put into both my phone map App and car GPS.

Ah, adventure awaits.

30 minutes in…

A breezy ride down the parkway, a painless merge onto Route 66, kids happily nodding along to the movie coming through their headsets and some inspirational tunes on the radio.

Still living the dream.

10 miles later…

Wait.

Why is my car GPS telling me to turn around?

Hmm, IPHONE app is saying to keep on trekking.

Weird. My car is crazy…

Onward.

10 more miles down the road…

Stinkin’ car gps lady is yelling at me to turn around every chance I get, IPHONE saying the exit is coming up, as the kids are starting to pipe up about popcorn and blankets.

This place better be close…

I take the IPHONE app suggested exit, continue down two different dirt/gravel roads and hear the phone say “arrived destination.”

No farm.

No street.

I am on the ride of the highway. In a ditch. With my flashers on.

Cue the kids.

“WHERE ARE WE, MOM??? ARE WE LOST??? THIS RIDE IS SOOOO LONG…..”

I’ll spare you the choice phrases swarming around in my head, and the even better ones that eventually slipped out under my breath…

I eventually reset my phone map APP and low and behold- it decided to send me 30 minutes back the direction I came from- and ultimately was in sync with the car gps lady.

HOW IRONIC.

Fast forward 30 minutes…

The movie is long over, the girls have resorted to spittting across the car at each other and some, quite impressively- managed to hit me as well.

There is no more popcorn, they have spilled their capri-suns, no doubt between the seats where I will never be able to reach and clean…

And we are pretty much done.

And we have just arrived.

Anyone else see the massive storm a’comin’?

Well, I didn’t.

I mean, I knew meltdowns were possible…but I was still convinced I could give them such a good experience that they would forget ALL about their youthful, silly woes and remember why I am the world’s best mom.

Ha.

Some highlights: ( at least we were in the company of our besties while all this went down…)

The three sunflower umbrellas they gave us upon entry became certifiable weapons.

The girls fought over the one set of sheers I grabbed, and ran down the rows of sunflowers yelling at each other, threatening to stab one another, and pitching fits when I asked if I could cut one down for myself.

They screamed bloody murder every time they saw a bee.

The bottles of water that I was so proud I remembered to bring, got stepped on and/or “accidentally” dumped.

They squinted for pictures.

They complained about everything.

And then they saw the bounce house.

Out yonder past the sunflowers in a field so far away it was hazy looking…

30 minutes later…

We return three baskets more or less in one piece, three sunflower umbrellas- one which won’t close anymore and is being used to knock over everything fragile next to the cash register, and the mean flower lady asks me to hurry up and pay for my five dying sunflowers.

Yup.

Add the extra 25 minutes to the ride home because I decided to trust my car gps lady this time and shut off my phone in lieu of getting dinged by Verizon for roaming the whole morning.

And my car gps lady got me lost.

And I got spit on.

A lot.

So there you have it.

That was the adventure I kept a secret all morning… told them they wold LOVE …. and freak out about… and be so happy.

As I do every time.

So…

Shame on ME.

Why do I do this to myself?

When did everything get so hard?

Is it me?

Is it my kids?

What is the constant ingredient in this recipe for disaster?

I’m not totally sure….

And you cannot quote me on this….

But,

I had an epiphany on the ride home.

It was that friggin’ long.

I once heard the quote:

Ring true for anyone?

It dawned on me during the ride home that my expectations were WAY off. As they seem to be often.

And therefore I resented the whole gosh darn morning.

Somewhere along the lines, I heightened the legit expectations for my children in these such situations.

I am forgetting to check them at face value and then make a discrete and discerning decision about what is realistic if we go forward.

Knowing that my children were tired, irritable, slightly hungry, thirsty- albeit their own fault on that one- but on a whole- and in general: hot messes.

Now, if I had come to this reality before stepping foot into that sunflower field, I think my experience would have been different.

Not theirs, necessarily-

but mine.

I make good decisions sometimes. I really do.

I made a decision almost 3 years ago that I shouldn’t go to the local Library with Quinn.

Or any quiet place for that matter.

It’s just not a good combo at the moment.

And I know I’ll go back.

Someday…

But meanwhile, every time I pass it, I smile.

I’m thinking of all the people I am sparing from a ruined not-at-all quiet or peaceful time.

You’re welcome local library goers… :O)

Why can’t I do that all the time???

I know what Q is capable of, and I have adjusted life accordingly.

But I fall back into the abyss of thinking my kids can handle things they can’t. Or that they will react to the 100 degree fields of sweat, bees and not-so-hearty flowers the same way I do.

But they are kids.

KIDS.

They think like a 3, 5, and 7 year old.

They act like a 3, 5, and 7 year old.

As they well should.

Y’all- I’m not defending our kids or saying these trips are our faults.

But I am praying you learn from them.

Even if it’s one small thing.

Repeat after me:

doing

great

job.

Now, do you feel like you are doing a great job?

If not, try saying it again slowly.

And think of all the people out there- ALL the people, who are struggling day by day.

You are not alone.

You can do this.

If we make it through the day…

With a smile hidden somewhere…

A few laughs…if not AT ourselves, than WITH loved ones…

And remember that life doesn’t have to be perfect.

The kids don’t.

Our houses don’t.

The outfits don’t.

The pictures don’t.

WE don’t.

I leave you with a few quotes…

May one find its way into your heart and fuel your perfectly imperfect life.

Rich in Recovery

June 30, 2018 by Monica 3 Comments

This blog post is special. Incredibly special. Today, my big sister celebrates a monumental milestone. Today, she is three years sober. One thousand, ninety-five days of a new life. A life where she chooses faith, love, joy, happiness and her health, to name a few. In honor of this milestone, I boldly asked if I could dive deep into her Recovery with a few questions. I worried she might say no. I worried she might hesitate. But she accepted. As she has accepted each day for the past three years-with a beautiful, courageous, open heart. Her story inspires me daily. May it touch the hearts of many…

Q1: What would you say are some common misconceptions when it comes to alcohol and Alcoholism?

I think the biggest is that most people think you have an “on and off” switch. And it isn’t. You have a choice. You can choose today, tomorrow, a week from now to put that glass of wine, that shot of whiskey down. You don’t need another one. Whether it’s binge drinking and you’re having 10, an afternoon 5 o’clock drink, to all of a sudden, the worst case-a five in the morning start It is a conscience decision that you are making. We are escaping the world.

And with Alcoholism, it’s a vicious cycle.

You wake up feeling shame and guilt because of what you have the night before when you drank. You possibly embarrassed your family, you possibly said some things that were inappropriate, or you were not actually completely there- at a family event, or a conversation, or a one-on-one. Your mind has been altered, and its not you. And so you drink because you drink, you wake up and feel guilt and shame, you don’t want to face the people you’ve disappointed. And to escape that, you drink more. Because you want to be numb. You don’t want to see those people’s faces, you don’t want to see the mirror they are holding up. You don’t want to see that reflection of yourself. So you drink again. And every day you tell yourself, “I’m not going to do it…” but you can’t live without it. It’s your best friend. Later in life, you see it’s your worst enemy. But it’s your best friend..it’s the only friend you have. And you’re alone…you’re alone in this world…and it’s very sad. It’s a very sad drug.

When people reach alcoholism to a certain extent, they have to have it in their body. It’s just a chemical need. It is a real disease, it’s been proven that by Science. When you cannot fathom ever NOT drinking again, it’s a problem. You need to really self-reflect on that.

We just think differently, too. We can’t see how someone would ever just have one glass of wine. We think its pointless, a calorie waste- if you’re just going to have a glass at dinner ( at least I do)…We think “why aren’t you getting a buzz from it?” And later in life you’re always chasing that buzz feeling and that party feeling. And as you continue the progression of Alcoholism, you never really ever get that fun, happy feeling you had years ago. You have it for a minute. Then, it just drowns into sadness. You just go into an abyss, and that’s when you know it has consumed your life. It’s not fun anymore. You keep telling yourself it’s fun, you keep chasing that high, but it’s just not fun. Alcoholism is just a crutch- it is escaping reality. It’s a terrible disease that effects so many in this world. And a lot of people are never going to admit it. We live in a party party life- there are beer commercials everywhere. It’s just not good…

Q2: What would you say are some of the biggest challenges in your Recovery?

The biggest challenge is that alcohol is everywhere. It’s at your local corner, it’s at Walgreens, it’s everywhere. There’s commercials about it. I live in Florida, everybody drinks on boats, everybody drinks on the beach. It’s paradise. It’s a vacation spot. So, it was very hard to get used to that- the availability of it. The temptation of it. That’s probably the biggest. In the beginning, it is unfathomable that you will never be able to drink again. You just can’t imagine that…it is just eternity. But, you take it one day at a time.

“Today I’m not drinking.”

“Today I am sober.”

Another part is that many people ostracize you, or look down upon you-you have a problem… and you are in Recovery. And you’re different…and you are kind of below the level of Humanity…you’re kind of a mess-up…and you’re broken… and a lot of people don’t even want to deal with that. Whether it’s dating, in my case, or just false friends. That’s hard.

And you also have to get peace of mind. You have to have more of a resting mind. And you have to learn how to deal with emotions. Emotions were covered up before…you have all these emotions and you don’t know how to deal with them. You want to be angry, you want to cry, you want to be truly happy…but you don’t know how to deal with them…

No one has taught you. And basically, you’re a teenager, in my case. I started drinking at 16…15…and I’m a little kid. And I’m struggling. It’s all new to me, when I first stopped. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, but you learn to deal with it. You really do. You learn a lot about yourself. And you can do it. You can have peace of mind. It’s okay to be sad. It feels good to be sad. It’s okay to be angry, And you’re human. And you are growing up. Everybody has bad days. You don’t need to go search for a bottle…You have to just start living life. As most people have done for years…that’s probably the hardest.

Q3: On the flip-side of that, what are some of the most rewarding aspects of your Recovery?

Clear mind. Clear conscience. You are present. You see things. You experience things. You just see the world differently. And it’s a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful world…

And you’re happy…that you can see your nieces grow up. You’re happy …that you can have a conversation….about politics, religion, weather, history. And you are making sense. You realize you are intelligent. You’re not hiding behind a mask…it’s just nice to just be present.

It’s nice that you work through The Steps, and you let go of the guilt and shame. You let it go. And as you let it go, doing the steps, you are free-er and free-er and happier and happier. You just let the past be the past. And accept that things were done, and its okay. It is okay… you made mistakes, but that was another you. This is a different you, and this is the real you, and this is a better you. Its all not consuming you. It’s amazing- you just let it go. Like a confession to a priest… you just let everything go. I can say that’s one of the best things about it.

Every once in a while, I’ll be driving in the car, and I’ll think of something I did when I was 23, and I do have a moment of “ooooo, that was awful…” but then I keep laughing. And it was a stupid thing I did, but it’s over.

Q4: What is one piece of advice you would give to someone who is in the early stages of Recovery or may be stuck in the trenches of active addiction?

Kudos… to those who are in the early stages of their recovery. It’s overwhelming, it’s super hard. But it’s also so exciting. They call it the “pink cloud”- the early stages. It’s when everything…you’re on this high. And it’s a natural high, and you’re so happy. And it’s just seeing the world as a different place.

That high will end…and it’s not a sad thing or anything..but that’s when you learn and take in and absorb people who have been in the program. Those who have been sober, clean for years upon years. And you latch on to them, and you learn more and more how you can do this every single day. I mean, it is a daily struggle. But you CAN do it. You’re through the hardest part- putting that last drink down, the last drug down.

For those who, sadly, haven’t give up the control… or seen that it IS controlling you-I wish you could, maybe, try to surround yourself with people that have. Go to a meeting, pick up the phone, ask for help. You are crying out for help. You are not happy anymore, You tell yourself that you are happy, but you’re not. Your life is either in shambles right now, or it’s headed for rock bottom. And if it’s rock bottom, there’s still a further bottom. And it’s unfathomable, and it’s crazy, and life just keeps getting worse and worse. And eventually, the worst thing that could happen is you die. You say you want that, but you don’t. Reach out, form those words…that you need help. You cannot do this alone. You have a problem. And as much as that is so frightening, it’s freeing. It’s really freeing. Just…choose that for today. Choose help. Choose for someone to take your hand. Choose… “I choose me.” And your higher power, there is a higher power. Whether it be to God, to the trees, a candy bar…and you will get through this with that higher power. You are here for a reason. And you slowly see that. And you have faith. And just keep progressing. A lot of people think sober people, that it’s a cult. That we’re trying to get other people into sobriety. But it’s because we want to help you. We want you to have what we have. And it’s a very surreal thing- that it’s achievable. But it is-100%. It’s just one day at a time. Just only think one day at a time. Don’t think about tomorrow. Don’t think about a year from now. Don’t think that this best friend is being taken away from you.

Just think: “today I choose not to pick up.”

“Today I choose not to pick up.:”

“Today I choose not to pick up.”

That’s all you need to keep saying to yourself.

Today…today.

Q5: Was there an actual “it’s time” moment that ignited your Recovery?

…I had been crying out for months and months. I knew I had a problem, years ago. But I didn’t know there was a solution. And I think finally, it was when people realized I needed help, that I couldn’t do it alone. And I was fortunate, very fortunate my family was there to help me. And I didn’t have to live this life anymore. I had a problem, but I didn’t want to live this way anymore. I was sick of being sad. I wanted to die. I wanted to die so badly. But I didn’t want to die…I couldn’t take that next step. But I felt just so sad and alone. And I was sick of it. Again, I finally had a little bit of help. People saw I was crying out for help. I fought it a little bit. But then I embraced it. I thought I would try…try to get better. I would try rehabilitation. Because the other choice, the other option, was to continue in this abyss, this sadness. So I wanted to try. And thankfully, for me, it worked the first time. I am a magical unicorn, in the sense that it doesn’t happen very often- I beat the odds. It worked. I am so blessed that it did. But I took everything in like a sponge. I was defeated. I was absolutely defeated, and the disease had won. And I saw that it was no longer my best friend. I wasn’t happy. And I needed a change. And like I said, I was at the bottom. Death was the only option. Well…death or help.

And I chose help.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

My dear, sweet sister,

I will never forget when I heard you laugh again…after all those years. I’ve always known it was there, deep inside, waiting patiently to be set free.

I love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for opening your heart to me, our family, our friends and strangers. Your journey is one that has encouraged many . I am so thankful you chose help. So thankful you chose life.

50 Precious Words Contest Entry-

March 5, 2018 by Monica 1 Comment

https://viviankirkfield.com/

Hello all!

A dear inspiring writer friend, Vivian Kirkfield, started this amazing contest a few years back.

Using the Dr. Seuss books as her impetus, Vivian created this contest to challenge writers in their word choice and muster up stories using ONLY 50 WORDS!!

Challenge accepted!

I love it.

And I LOVE reading the other entries! Such talent!

Here is my 2018 entry, using only 50 words!

The Princess and the Puddles

Fancy.

Muddy.
One is proper.

One is not.

Sticky, stinky, slimey, sloppy.
And with pink?
Ridiculous.

Eek! I almost touched a little puddle…
Icky!

Must leap over it.
One, two, three… ahhh!

I spy a bigger puddle!

One, two, three… stomp!

Marvelous. Magnificent. Magical. Mud.

The perfect accessory.

With pink.

Books, Books and more Books

March 2, 2018 by Monica Leave a Comment

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

Now, I wouldn’t be true to my Kindergarten-ness or my crafty self if I didn’t create something in honor of Read Across America Day!

A few weeks ago, I was watching Home Town on HGTV and Erin was describing the newly remodeled kitchen to the owner and she just quickly mentioned, ” And here is a little knife block made from old cookbooks…” And that was it! I knew my next DIY would have to involve books.

Now fast forward to today…Friday March 2…Dr. Seuss’ Birthday and Read Across America Day.

I scoured my house for old cookbooks…

turns out I don’t have any….

Then I scoured for old fiction books…

turns out I only read KID’S BOOKS :O)…

So- I used what I had.

And being the sentimental one that I am, I realized I have kept all the girls’ old board books- from when my oldest was a baby.

I thought no better way to honor these treasures and Dr. Seuss, than to re-purpose them.

Without further ado- I give you the (CHILDREN’S) BOOK KNIFE BLOCK!

Step 1: find books- ANY books- that are relatively the same size

Step 2: glue back cover of one book to front cover of the next with a hot glue gun

Step 3: repeat until all books are glued together

Step 4: tie ribbon around the books secure front and back covers

Step 5: add your knives!

Enjoy!

*Keep on reading & creating!*

Dear Daughters

January 17, 2018 by Monica 6 Comments

Dear Daughters,
I’m writing because your Momma is a writer. It’s my safe place. When I stumble and mumble while talking, I run to my writing. And that’s okay.
No one is perfect. I’m far from it.
But I’ll get to that.

I’m writing to tell you how much I love you. Insane love.
And there will be times you might not remember that.
So I’m writing it down for you.
So it’s here.
For you to read.
Forever.

My wish for you is hope, joy and lots of love.

I hope you wake up each day more thankful than the day before.

I pray you have joy.
So much joy, it overflows- to everyone and everything around you.
The kind of joy that comes with watching a simple sunset.
Throw it like confetti.
The world needs more bucket fillers.

I pray you leap.
Not because someone told you to or called you “chicken” but because the Spirit deep inside of you is whispering “You can. You must. And I am here, do not be afraid.”

Be a light.
There is so much darkness- hold fast to what is right, honorable and true- and you will shine.

Smile more.
Not because I’m telling to, but because you can’t NOT smile.
You will change lives. I promise.

You don’t have to do it all.
I have tried. And failed miserably.
The words “I can’t” or “ Please help me” are not signs of weakness.
They show strength and self-awareness. There are helpers everywhere.
Let people help you.
Don’t let your pride run your life.

Back to failing. You will. Lots of times.
Maybe at something small.
Maybe at something big.
But everyone falls flat at some point.
You think I’m lying? Ask someone.
If they say no, they’re lying.
It is how many times you get back UP that will determine your successes.
Always. Get. Back. Up.

Stand up for what you believe.

But be respectful.

Don’t be a “meh.”

There are too many folks who blow where the wind blows them.

Stand tall- and be brave. Brave is beautiful.

And that’s another thing. Don’t ever, EVER let anyone or anything tell you that you aren’t beautiful. You are.
And wonderful.
And there’s no one like you. Not now, not ever. You are spectacularly unique.

Don’t compare. It’s hard. I do it, too. But I’m working on it.
You won’t always be First. You won’t always win.
And that’s okay. Don’t let it bother you. Celebrate them.
Focus on your strengths.
Don’t think you have any? Look deeper.
Drive in your own lane. It’s less congested.

Please love. Love those close, and work at loving those far away.
Guard your own heart.
Not with an impenetrable castle wall, but with an unwavering confidence that its contents are worth something.
YOU are worth something. Don’t settle. Your happily ever after is out there.
You might just have to climb a few castle walls yourself…

Lastly, don’t do any of this because I said so. You’ll regret it. You’ll regret me.
Do these things because you believe in them.
And you know that this world needs you. And you want to make it a better place.
It goes by in a blink. It’s cliche, but true.
So live it. REALLY live it.
Eat the cake, kiss goodnight, take the chance, quiet your heart and LEAP.
I can’t wait to see what happens when you do. ❤️

How To Make A Floral Ballerina Canvas

Materials:

*Canvas ( any size) but I used a 12″x16″ from a bundle set bought from Michael’s

*tempra paints ( any colors) but I used pale pink, pale purple and aqua

*paint brushes/sponge brushes

*craft glue

*scissors

*ballerina sillouettes – you can click on here to view some images https://www.google.com/search?q=ballerina+silhouette&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjoiODC4t3YAhWDu1MKHfPqCoIQ_AUICigB&biw=1707&bih=796

*scrapbook paper

Step 1:

Pick your paint colors, can be one or a bunch!

*I started with the purple, then overlapped a little pink, then overlapped a little aqua.

Paint your canvas- allow to dry.

Step 2: While your canvas is drying, you can work on your paper flowers!

a) Cut your scrapbook paper into squares. The smaller the square, the smaller your paper flower will be. A larger square= larger flower. ( Mind blowing isn’t it! )

b) Cut the corners off of your square, creating a circle-ish shape. No perfection here!

c) Starting on the outside edge, cut a “coil” into the circle shape. Finishing with a mini circle-ish shape at the end*

*this secures and holds your flower together

d) Starting on the outside edge, begin to curl the paper. If your paper is 1-sided, you will want the printed side curling IN.

e) Continue curling until you get close to your end little circle shape.

f) Put a dab of glue on that circle at the end.

g) If you want a TIGHT flower, push coiled up paper firmly onto the circle shape with glue- HOLD.

If you want a LOOSE flower, gently let go of the coiled up paper until you like the look, and then press firmly on the circle shape with glue- HOLD.

Step 3) Make MORE paper flowers!! :o)

Step 4) Pick your ballerina image- so many choices! I copied and pasted a few onto a WORD doc. & played with the sizing. I eliminated the margins, and enlarged each one to a FULL page image. I printed the whole doc. & then decided which one I liked best.

Step 5) (Now- my mistake- I glued the paper flowers onto the ballerina image before I cut her out. That was hard.)

So-I recommend CUTTING out your ballerina image FIRST…

Step 6) THEN gluing your image down to your canvas…( you could ModPodge if you want a shiny finish)

Step 7) and FINALLY arranging*/ gluing flowers to the ballerina image.

*I always encourage arranging before gluing:o)

And here it is! I love it. Honestly in love. It will always remind me of this wonderful season my girls are in.

I’d LOVE to see any of your creations!

Follow Your Compass, Not Your Clock

October 22, 2017 by Monica 6 Comments

Love this quote by Andrea Jung.

Just love it.

Do you all remember the magazine collages? I used to make them ALL the time. Slightly obsessed, actually.

I would spend HOURS, DAYS, even WEEKS creating the perfect collage- waiting for just the right word or phrase or picture to complete the ever-so-personalized creation.

Why do I bring this up?

Simple.

TIME.

This was a period in my life when there seemed to be an abundance of time( teenagers are so out of touch), and therefore a lot of waiting.

I wrote letters, LOTS and LOTS of letters. To camp friends, the many loves of my life, a sister at college, family…

And after I let the envelope slip from my fingers into the deep, dark mailbox on the corner, I waited.

And waited, and waited some more.

That’s all you COULD do!

I waited for phone calls ( I shared a line with my parents! Then eventually my chatty older sister… #stilllosing)

I waited for TV shows to finish… and watched commercials! Sometimes, REALLY awkward ones with my mom.

I waited for film I dropped off at the grocery store… and a week later, spent $10 on floor shots!

I waited for answers to my questions. And then I was told to look up the answer. In the ENCYCLOPEDIA.

Nowadays, we don’t like to wait.

I actually would dare to say we don’t know HOW to wait anymore.

And If we are actually forced to wait on something, we TRACK it.

We track packages on amazon… Heaven forbid it doesn’t arrive in 2 days…

We send emails, and walk around impatiently then JUMP across the room when our Hotmail dings, like we’ve been notified we won the lottery. EVERY TIME.

We have “read receipts” encoded on our texts-

“I KNOOOOOOW you saw my message… WHY ARE YOU INGNORING MEEEEEEE??????!”

but really….

What has happened?

When I read that earlier quote, I remembered, briefly, what it was like to drive in my own lane- and not get caught up in WHEN.

The WHEN concern is directly connected to the WHO.

We are naturally comparative, no doubt about that.

And it is even harder NOT to compare the WHO and WHEN in our lives since we are always in the KNOW.

And I’m not so sure that’s always a good thing.

If I knew of every party, breakup, and new outfit that went on during these “waiting” years, I’m pretty sure I’d be an even hotter mess than I was.

As adults, it may not be parties and break ups-but instead, it’s pregnancies, new homes, promotions, and so on.

It still hurts.

Because its NOT happening to us.

We tend to think it should make sense.

The fastest way from A to B is most certainly, a straight line.

And some people’s lives DO follow that course.

But not everyone’s.

Sometimes, Life goes more like C….F……A…..K……Z…..R…..B…..Q…back to C.

( just couldn’t help myself there)

And that’s okay!

It’s YOUR journey. No one else’s.

So what do you say?

The next time the thought, “HEY, why is/isn’t this happening to ME?” sneaks into your mind…

Picture-

Then-

And try…

Try to stay the COURSE, and turn your back on TIME.

Make it a good one.

Matthew 28:20

Back to School: A Time for Tests

September 19, 2017 by Monica 5 Comments

Back to School!

Ah, if life was only like the TV shows and movies.

Then school time would be a piece of cake.

But alas, it is far from it.

This time of year, although still technically under the umbrella of Summer, has almost zero sense of “sit back and relax.” As if completely unrelated to its 3 month “chill” predecessors, September tends to bring high levels of stress and catapults us back into the daily grind.

Did anyone stress about school supplies this year?

Anyone?

Was it just me??

Well, I sure did. I didn’t just stress, I flat out had a full on panic attack in Walmart when I couldn’t find the proper size post-it notes from the list. FULL ON PANIC. Not my best moment.

I calmed myself, found my children in the various isles they had wondered off to, and quietly exited the store. Post-it note-less.

Oh well.

Then there was packing lunches, buying new last minute clothes ( as my oldest child has discovered how easily items can be altered with a pair of scissors!!!!!!!)… and of course the case of the shoes that fit perfectly yesterday but somehow NOT this morning at 8:15 am. Riddle me that.

I have sworn to deep breathe through these moments and not resort to yelling or freaking out.

Its a good thing I’m not a betting woman.

But I’m trying, people- really I am.

All of this chaos did, however, bring on some reflection.

There are certainly times in our life when we honestly feel we are being tested.

Put through the ringer.

Dragged though mud.

Experimented on.

Poked, prodded, and pulled in each which way.

Well, folks. You’re not crazy. That’s exactly what is going on.

I stumbled upon this wonderful set of sermons* dealing with the concept of being tested.

It was fascinating. I’ll summarize.

It explained the four common trials that plague most people:

1)The Pressure Test

2)The People Test

3)The Persistence Test

4)The Priorities Test

Number one poses the question, “How will you HANDLE the STRESS you are under?”

aka ( the dreaded school supplies list)

Who/What do you turn to when the waters get rough?

Friends? Family? Facebook? Alcohol?

There are many opportunities to “run” from our stresses.

*”If I JUST get to the gym, I know this crazy morning will be behind me.”

*”After my Starbucks triple venti soy skim mocha java non-dairy no-foam extra hot latte, I can take on the world.”

But can you?

There are even more chances to complain.

*”I’m just not getting enough SLEEP…”

*”If only I had an EXTRA set of hands….”

But what IF? Would it ALL go away?

I don’t know about ya’ll, but even after I have been kid-free, massaged, pedicured, and caffeinated -I still blow up at the slightest thing once I walk in the door. Why is that? Is it that I am running to the wrong things?

Number two poses the question, ” What will you do with the DISAPPOINTMENTS in your life- that have come from PEOPLE?”

Now, this one might not make perfect sense at first. It is a question based on the premise that people will inevitably let you down. Not being a negative Nancy, just stating a fact: we are a flawed human race. No one is perfect, so it’s bound to happen.

If we put all our eggs in someone else’s basket, well, we might end up egg-less at some point. ( while someone else is enjoying a nice veggie omelette)

Things don’t always turn out the way we had hoped for or dreamed about. But your problem is NOT the people in your life, it is HOW you ultimately respond to them.

People are not always the issue, OR necessarily the answer.

Number three poses the question, “Will I KEEP my COMMITMENTS?”

This is a test of your character. Are you someone who over-commits? Do you see a clipboard and sign your life away? ( See an earlier post about THE BARE NECESSITIES http://justcomposeyourself.com/2016/11/going-on-a-bear-hunt-plus-a-diy-and-a-challenge/ )

We, as a people, tend to spread ourselves a little too thin- thinking quantity not quality in life.

In this ever changing virtual world, it is also easier to back out of things, too.

Commit now, MAYBE change my mind later… or not…or maybe I’ll go…Naw, I’m busy…

Get the picture? It’s sad, but true.

Will YOU keep your promises? Or find an excuse as to why you can’t…

And number four poses the question, “WHO will be FIRST in your life?”

This can usually be answered by diving deeper into a subsequent soul-searching triad of thoughts.

What do you think about the most?
Where does your money go first?
How do you spend your time?

Any mind boggling results??

No matter the struggle, no matter how long you’ve been fighting…PLEASE hang on. The Dawn is coming. And you will face it stronger than you began.

Psalm 73:23

*To read the full sermon set, click here:

http://pastorrick.com/devotional/english/your-faith-is-being-tested

http://pastorrick.com/devotional/english/trials-test-your-faith

Aloha!

June 23, 2017 by Monica 1 Comment

ALOHA!!!

Did you know that the Hawaiian word, Aloha, means both “Hello” and “Goodbye”? I’d like to say I’ve known this for a long time, but alas, I took notes from Sandra Bullock talking to the Hawaiian contestant in Miss Congeniality.

It made me think, though. I love the connection between the two phrases. Hello & goodbye, goodbye & hello… all one thing.

My mom is always reminding me that there are seasons within life. That some are tougher than others, and some are more joyous. Some seasons we want to hold onto forever. Others we hope we say goodbye to sooner rather than later. But each one does eventually change into something…something else…something new.

I find this to be a pretty healthy outlook.

Are you singing Semisonic? I am…:O)

Goodbye Kindergarten! Goodbye Preschool! Hello Summer!

8 weeks…coming at me. What to do?

This is me on the first day of Summer vacation with my kids- full of ideas and plans, and LOTS of energy-

And this is usually me by the last day…

Since next week marks the beginning of the time when I’ll have all the kiddies home from school, I decided to consult a professional on what to do during my summer days.

I Googled.

I found a list of simple things to do. 101 of them in fact. Do take a look…

https://www.care.com/c/stories/3331/101-fun-things-to-do-with-kids-this-summer/

Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with this list. In fact, I’m grateful someone else took the time to compile a very extensive grouping of summer activities. I will be pulling from these fun, festive suggestions.

But I happened to notice a few items missing-

Therefore, I would like to add to that list.

#102: Don’t kill your children.

#103: Keep your children from killing your other children.( or strangers)

#104: Drink a pot of coffee before your children wake up so you can survive the day.

#105: Teach your children how to sing through the bad days. * It worked for Mary Poppins*

#106: Smile a lot.

#107: Stay alive.

Now, I’m sure I could think of a few more. But you get the gist. I am not against outings and adventures. In fact- I am usually the one spearheading these things, and dragging other crazy moms with me. But I am also that mom crying in the closet a few hours later- swearing I will never take my children out in public again.

So- I’m going to try something new this Summer.

Here is my haiku:

STAY

UWAY from

MANIACS &

MAYHEM with

EXCURSIONS & just

RELAX

From an earlier post- KISS! ( Keep It Simple Stupid)

I really do want to encourage you to embrace Summer for its original purpose. A BREAK. A break from routines and ruts. A break from carpool and homework, and schedules that were impossible to keep.

It’s okay to do LESS THAN A BILLION THINGS.

When you hear, “Live Life to it’s Fullest”…I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean FILL each day FULL to the brim with stuff. I’d like to think it means more about living in the moment.

So eat more cake. Make more mudpies. Get your hair wet at the pool.

Life isn’t scripted. It’s a bit more of an improv.

You just may find that your best Summer moments were those you didn’t plan.

Try to enjoy the Season…:O) Its beginning, and up the very end.

ALOHA!!!

Love Actually

May 11, 2017 by Monica 1 Comment

As I sit here and watch the overly stacked celebrities prance throughout the movie Valentine’s Day, I have always been fascinated by the concept of an anti-love dinner party. It brings to light the idea that Valentine’s Day- a day ( months, really) dedicated to canoodling couples, can be quite challenging to many. My thoughts then went to the upcoming Mother’s Day. In lieu of this on-screen rebel party, may there be dinners and coffee dates dedicated to those who are not Mothers? If not, there should be.

This role or vocation, as a Mother, is TOUGH. There is no doubt about it… In fact, I stumbled upon a few images that summarize quite well.

While the reality of Motherhood is apparent, my heart has been with those who do not and will not celebrate this day.

My mind wanders to those who fear this day, and everything it stands for.

Who, you ask?

Let us consider the woman who has lost her own Mother, somewhere along the way. Maybe as a child, or a teenager, or even more recently. The woman who didn’t get to share her wedding day, can’t get that advice after a silly fight, or ever feel the warmth of a Mother’s arms again.

How about the woman who has lost a child… maybe the child was a baby, in-utero even. Perhaps this woman had already planned a nursery, picked out a name, and planned how life would never be the same.

Or the woman who lost a child, but after the bonds of motherhood were set in. She held this child, sung to him, bathed him, clothed him. Sent him off to Kindergarten with a tearful smile, kissed his boo-boos and prayed over him each night …

May we stop and consider the woman who is possibly suffering in silence, who dreads this day more than the rest. She, unable to ever conceive, holds her belly close as those around her celebrate births and babies. To her, this day is a reminder of what she cannot have.

I sat in bed last night, and thought about this post.

My thoughts ran to the day I watched in horror as the news unfolded in Sandy Hook. That night, my baby Mattie, like clock-work, startled me with her crazy screaming and fussing. I laid there, half asleep, feeling annoyed. Then it hit me. I tore off my sheets, and ran frantically into the nursery. I scooped her up and I held her. I held her closer than I have ever held a child before in my life. And I cried. And cried. And cried.

I held her for all those Mothers who would never hold their children again. How they would do anything to hear one last cry or even a scream- or be woken up in the middle of the night because their child needed just one more hug, one more kiss, one more story. For them, there would never be one more of any of those things.

I write this not to take away from the joy of Mother’s Day.

I promise you that.

I do write because I care.

I care deeply for those who on these days are in the trenches, trying to keep their head above the water. It might be the working Mother of 3, who hasn’t seen her children in days and can’t seem to muster up enough energy to keep her marriage alive. It could be the woman, who recently lost a child, and walking into every store this weekend opens up wounds that have just started to heal. Or it may be the woman in the Starbucks, who seems disgruntled and crass, but there is more to her story…

So I challenge my readers- on the Day of Mothers- may it be a day to spread Love. Love that has been given to us by our own Mothers- past or present. Give to the ones closest to you, and then possibly to a distant friend, a neighbor, or even a complete stranger. Imagine the possibilities…