How are those New Year’s Resolutions going?
Okay, while I just HAD to get those out of my system… let’s talk resolutions. Why ARE they are so hard to keep?
There are many theories out there, but I have a few of my own. And my ideas center around the simple, unarguable point that we do not like to struggle. And you have to really wrestle with yourself when starting off and ultimately attaining any kind of goal.
Grass roots of it? It’s going to hurt. And it won’t be fun.
This is the essence of my theory. I’m convinced when things get tough, hard, yucky, ugly, and flat out seemingly impossible- we quit. And by “we”, I am using the universal word for ME.
But let’s take the heat off of me for a quick sec ( phew, is it getting hot in here?)
And let’s dive into my children’s weaknesses… Yes. That will make me feel better for a few :O)
I welcomed in the New Year attempting to teach my children about losing & LIVE TV.
So many tears and fits over not “Guessing Who” first & why my husband I are clearly punishing them by subjecting them to all commercials.
I have a lot to learn with my parenting.
As I drive to Philly- my daughter claims she’s hungry.
I frantically reach into my purse- hoping to find a lint-free lifesaver or something.
After a few minutes of unsuccessful searching- I find myself coming up with excuses and kind words to ease her “pain”.
I finally snap out of it when I realize she’s 6 years old and quite capable of packing snacks for the car. And finishing her breakfast. To name a few.
When did I become such a softie? I mean, I’ve BEEN one… but I happily tell people I was a way nicer Kindergarten teacher than I am a mom.
Why didn’t I just tell my kid “ you’ll survive” – like I was told by my Mom and Dad a million times. And I miraculously DID survive.
Bumps and bruises.
Survived em all.
My hat is off to my “tough love” upbringing.
It sent the message, loud and clear- that -truly “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.”
And it sure does.
If anyone asked you if you’d like to learn the HARD way or the EASY way- is there any instance where we would actually answer, “the hard way, please?”
But we HAVE to.
It creates drive, generates perseverance, ignites passion, finds purpose, and propels us into our unique paths.
We are not like anyone else.
We have so much to offer.
But will we ever know what we are made of, how far we can go- our true limitations- if we never fail? Fall? Flop?
But first- we must try.
And that, my friends, is a valuable lesson I learned in 2018.
I am a heck of a lot tougher than I ever knew.
Curl up- I’d like to share with you a few short stories @ my health.
But first- a few of my fears:
Jumping spiders, heights, dentist visits, shots, and basically being in any kind of pain I can’t control that doesn’t result in bringing a cute baby into the world.
Somewhere along the line, despite my past “survivor” mentality, I became more of a worrier* than a warrior. ( *If you ever get a chance, ask my brother or husband or any family member for that fact-how long I once stood on the ledge of a mountain side one day at the Lake…NOT jumping…)
As I blogged about months back, I was ridden with neck/back/shoulder issues resulting from old tennis/rowing/swimming injuries and basically my neurotic tendencies as a mom. ( I totally think I can still function on 2.5 hours of sleep…)
I underwent physical therapy to combat these uncomfortable new feelings, and it helped to an extent. Then the pain got worse. I called in for a cortisone shot, and quickly started panicking. Promised that I was allowed to take an anxiety medicine prior to the procedure, I was able to at least walk in to the appointment without fainting. Plus I had the support of the sweetest friend with me to hold my hand.
Fast forward 1.5 hours in the waiting room, I approached the front desk and asked about my anxiety medicine, to which the annoyed woman replied, “You should’ve taken that this morning before you came… we don’t give that here. You are about to be called back.”
Enter panic. Like hands sweating, can’t feel my tongue, heavy legs, room- spinning panic.
I immediately started to cry. I can’t do this, I kept repeating to myself. I can’t. I just can’t.
Well, folks. I had a choice. Get the shot or walk away , in pain, and schedule something another month out. To me, the choice was clear.
So I started to reschedule.
But my dear, sweet friend wouldn’t let me. She told me I was strong. And fearless. And could do anything. And reminded me that I wasn’t alone. She was here… He was here.
So I trusted her. And Him.
And I let both of them hold me.
With buckets of more tears, but ZERO meds, I did it.
Phew. That was huge.
But as our minds have it, we forget these things.
And the next time fear crept up, I was paralyzed again. As If I had completely blocked out how things had gone months before when I trusted, tested, and took a huge leap of faith.
In October, I was in pain again. This time, in my abdomen.
I wrestled with the pain for a week, ( hunching over grandma-style while I walked, still carrying Quinn and still stuffing Thursday folders…) until finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
The Dr. took one look at my face and checked my abdomen, and immediately sent me to talk to a surgeon.
Enter more panic and oceans of tears.
I left the surgeon’s office with a diagnosis of a large hernia and surgery scheduled for 2 days out. I could barely drive home…
I have never had surgery before, and the idea of it scared the dickens out of me.
And once again, I was faced with more choices. Pain? More damage done to my body if I pushed through? Or tackle my fear…
Amidst my questioning and crying, I tried something new this time. I prayed. HARD. And surrendered.
And I decided to trust.
And to say I was calm the day of, is an understatement. Actually, Adam was kinda freaked out by my out-of-character-super-serene demeanor.
I just kept smiling at him, and saying, “He’s got me.”
And this was without drugs in my system, I promise.
And God was unmistakably present through it all.
I am pain-free today. And that taught me a bit more about my ability to face my fears with an army by my side.
I felt stronger-ish.
Until I had to face my ULTIMATE fear of the…….
Long story short, I had avoided this fear for a shameful length of time, but God said, “It’s time,” in the form of a cracked tooth. I am now FACE TO FACE with the very scariest of people.
( Sorry to all the dentists out there…but seriously- it’s a true fear, and I’m not crazy! I googled it… so….)
I had made the decision to be brave and get the work done, but only after I signed my life away agreeing to have “laughing gas” as an aid.
They put the mask on, actually the poor woman TRIED to put my mask on, and once again I panicked. I felt like someone was trying to smother me with a pillow. She told me that the “smothering” feeling was going to be present throughout the whole procedure. It seemed I had another choice.
Funny how these things kept coming at me, huh?
At this point, I am hoping you can guess what I chose to do.
I plugged my earbuds in, cranked my Christian music (“Fearless” by Jasmine Murray), and gave her the thumbs up.
And I survived.
Three different fears, three moments where I was tested.
But with the help of Him who gives me strength, and those around me- praying and holding my hand, I survived.
So, back to resolutions.
I think too often we ask ourselves- “what happens if I fail?”
So we don’t follow through or sometimes even try.
But we should be asking “what happens if I never give this a chance?”
Take the chance.
I’m only starting to realize God’s parenting style is just like that:
We will go through the valleys, and sometimes in the paralyzing, dark shadows of death… but we should NOT FEAR- For HE IS WITH US.
His protection and guidance is over our souls- which are in a constant battle.
A battle of fear or freedom.
A battle of right or wrong.
A battle of survivor or surrender.
So this year, make the resolutions.
And try your darndest to keep them.
Not because everyday you will meet your challenges with bells on.
Resolutions are hard. Life is hard.
But keep them because ( Phil. 4:13) you are entirely and undisputedly stronger than you’ll ever know.
Go find out just how strong.
From my favorite Lauren Daigle song…
“Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I try to win this war
I confess, my hands are weary, I need Your rest
Mighty warrior, king of the fight
No matter what I face You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains
I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You…”
Songwriters: Lauren Daigle,Paul Marbury,Michael Farren
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC,ESSENTIAL MUSIC PUBLISHING,CAPITOL CHRISTIAN MUSIC GROUP