As I sit here and watch the overly stacked celebrities prance throughout the movie Valentine’s Day, I have always been fascinated by the concept of an anti-love dinner party. It brings to light the idea that Valentine’s Day- a day ( months, really) dedicated to canoodling couples, can be quite challenging to many. My thoughts then went to the upcoming Mother’s Day. In lieu of this on-screen rebel party, may there be dinners and coffee dates dedicated to those who are not Mothers? If not, there should be.

This role or vocation, as a Mother, is TOUGH. There is no doubt about it… In fact, I stumbled upon a few images that summarize quite well.

While the reality of Motherhood is apparent, my heart has been with those who do not and will not celebrate this day.

My mind wanders to those who fear this day, and everything it stands for.

Who, you ask?

Let us consider the woman who has lost her own Mother, somewhere along the way. Maybe as a child, or a teenager, or even more recently. The woman who didn’t get to share her wedding day, can’t get that advice after a silly fight, or ever feel the warmth of a Mother’s arms again.

How about the woman who has lost a child… maybe the child was a baby, in-utero even. Perhaps this woman had already planned a nursery, picked out a name, and planned how life would never be the same.

Or the woman who lost a child, but after the bonds of motherhood were set in. She held this child, sung to him, bathed him, clothed him. Sent him off to Kindergarten with a tearful smile, kissed his boo-boos and prayed over him each night …

May we stop and consider the woman who is possibly suffering in silence, who dreads this day more than the rest. She, unable to ever conceive, holds her belly close as those around her celebrate births and babies. To her, this day is a reminder of what she cannot have.

I sat in bed last night, and thought about this post.

My thoughts ran to the day I watched in horror as the news unfolded in Sandy Hook. That night, my baby Mattie, like clock-work, startled me with her crazy screaming and fussing. I laid there, half asleep, feeling annoyed. Then it hit me. I tore off my sheets, and ran frantically into the nursery. I scooped her up and I held her. I held her closer than I have ever held a child before in my life. And I cried. And cried. And cried.

I held her for all those Mothers who would never hold their children again. How they would do anything to hear one last cry or even a scream- or be woken up in the middle of the night because their child needed just one more hug, one more kiss, one more story. For them, there would never be one more of any of those things.

I write this not to take away from the joy of Mother’s Day.

I promise you that.

I do write because I care.

I care deeply for those who on these days are in the trenches, trying to keep their head above the water. It might be the working Mother of 3, who hasn’t seen her children in days and can’t seem to muster up enough energy to keep her marriage alive. It could be the woman, who recently lost a child, and walking into every store this weekend opens up wounds that have just started to heal. Or it may be the woman in the Starbucks, who seems disgruntled and crass, but there is more to her story…

So I challenge my readers- on the Day of Mothers- may it be a day to spread Love. Love that has been given to us by our own Mothers- past or present. Give to the ones closest to you, and then possibly to a distant friend, a neighbor, or even a complete stranger. Imagine the possibilities…

I miss you, Jane.

Spring is awesome.

It brings the mantra of rebirth, renewal and the promise of a serious house clean.

Instead of an actual post, I thought I’d try something new- in light of  Spring’s NEWness.

I’ve compiled a few of my favorite Spring quotes and thoughts.

I’ve become a huge fan of creating canvases and banners to hang in the house to cheer me up on tough days.

Maybe these images and ideas could do the same for you.

Happy, Happy Spring.

May it bring hope, joy and a cleaner home.

*And if you have any quotes you’d like to share, please post them in the comments below!*

I had the best day today. 

But then, it came crashing down. 

Now, you may say- this is exactly what happens to you on an every-other-day basis.

Some days, it feels like you are on top of the world and then moments later- lower than dirt.

Hence the quote, “Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug…”

I’m here to tell you – this is very normal.

Some may call it a roller coaster, others LIFE.

I choose to think of it as living passionately.

I’m a super passionate person, and in fact, in our pre-marriage counseling, it was discovered that my husband is subliminally and sublimely attracted to me because of my ZEST for life. ( and I for his manly, rock solid attitude)

Let’s go with that. :O)

And on that topic- any likeness to the expression on Flynn Ryder’s face (in the primary GIF) and the constant expression on my husband’s face, is a complete and utter hilarious coincidence.

But seriously, I approach life pretty positively. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to get tripped up on things. In fact, it means that when I do,( which I DO) I risk taking it a bit harder than the average individual. Those mountain tops are pretty high…

Yet, I don’t let that scare me.

Most of the times.

In Church last weekend, I learned about a term that strikes me as incredibly relevant to my life these days.

“Commitment move”-it’s actually a rock climbing term.

This refers to the inevitable situation a climber finds him/herself in when they must leave the security of their current sure grip, and reach for another.

Now, in life- people tend to gravitate toward SURE and COMFORT. And avoid the REACHING and STRETCHING.

I don’t blame them one bit. Sounds awesome.

Albeit boring, slightly mundane and to go back to rock climbing-completely STUCK.

Think about it- if one is hanging on the side of a cliff, and never makes a move, one remains on the side of a cliff.

BOOM. Mind blowing, right?

Okay, maybe not a Scientific discovery, but still worth noting.

So, as we slip into the creature comforts of this cold weather, taking a look at our New Year’s resolutions, the road ahead and its possibilities- I encourage you.

The crazy thing about being the windshield and/or the bug is that- good or bad- you’re at least MOVING.

So take that chance, let go, and REACH for it.

You might fall, but you just might fly.

Daylight Savings – some people love it. Others, not so much.

My kids just don’t get it. Still up at 6- now 5. 😳

I walked upstairs the other morning to see my mom “winding” the dining room grandfather clock. You see, everything either automatically had changed during the night, or we could change it manually to “fall back” to correct the time.

But you CANNOT go backwards in a grandfather clock. You must go forward 11 hours to “go back” one.

It took her the better part of 10 minutes to stop on every 15 minutes to wait & let it chime, then of course, the hour chimes…

She looked quite frustrated.

Interesting that in so many ways, we think that we can control time.

We have DVR: the ability to stop, rewind, fast forward “live” TV.

We have smart phones that can “slow-mo” a regular video.

But meanwhile- life IS happening.

We are so caught up in the daily grind, that we gladly, usually without noticing, fly by through the little things.

In the movie Click, Adam Sandler’s overworked, strung-out, working -Dad character is given the chance to control, and ultimately upgrade, his quality ( & quantity) of life through an all-powerful remote.

He, like us all, doubts its ability at first- and then quickly begins to enjoy its fast forwarding, muting, even picture in picture features. He feels like he has been given the chance of a lifetime.

What would you do?

Would you pause the good things?

Rewind to have a “do over” if you said something you shouldn’t have?

Or just hit FF through the mundane, sticky situations pounding your daily life- until you have gone through it & find the rest and resolve on the other side?

If you have never seen the movie, I 100% encourage you to view it- and mostly for its eye-opening conclusion. I love things that make you re-think.  And it does.

As I am doing today.

I feel I am incredibly guilty of not always living in the moment. There seems to be so much around that takes my attention away from what really matters.

And I’d really like to make a change.

Remember when you only had 24 exposures in your little dinky camera? My hardest test of selection was on our family trips to the zoo. I’d wrestle a little with which animal was worthy of the click, but then when I was done- I was done. Camera went back into my fashion purse, and I went back to reality. Enjoying the moments.

But now, we have endless amounts of exposures, re-do’s, edits, etc to get the PERFECT picture. Depicting the PERFECT moment. But was it? It was the 54th attempt with 20 minutes of editing- not exactly worth bragging about.

In college, I would take my camera with me (I had upgraded from disposable to a Cannon) and I’d snap away, still mindful of the inevitability of an empty roll. But I certainly did not spend the evening hiding behind a screen. I can happily say, I lived it. (It’s a perfect sidebar to mention that while I was NOT hidden behind a screen, I was able to see very clearly in front of me. And one fine night, I spotted a perfect Southern gentlemen across the room … and most of you know the ending to that story…)

Back to the pictures :

The next morning, I would walk with my Roommates to the school bookstore, and send the roll off to be developed. It would take almost a whole week! I’d check in through the glass window every day, hoping to see the mailbox container full of envelopes behind the cashier. After a quick scan, charged home, (Thanks, Mom & Dad!) – I’d promptly sit on the steps adjacent to the store and open the envelope, like it was Christmas morning. The moments that followed were hilarious. I’d be lucky to have gotten 4 or 5 “good shots” out of the 24, sometimes 36 exposures. Mostly, I flipped through 4×6 rectangles of fingers in the way, blurry beyond recognition, heads cut off, and possibly floor shots. And sometimes DOUBLES of these photographic flubs. And all paid for. Ha! But I was thrilled, overjoyed, grateful to have 1 photographed “forever” memory from the evening. It was pinned up on my dorm door.

Can I say the same now?

I snap away at every park trip, every ice cream cone eating, every bean bag snuggle, and of course- each, every “firsts” the girls have…because I have deemed them all worthy of documenting, and there’s nothing technology can do to stand in the way.

In fact, it’s right there- encouraging me:

to take more,

store more,

capture more,

improve and enhance more.

But certainly, not LIVE more. And live for the NOW.

That is something I must decide for myself.

We cannot turn back time.

We have no re-do’s.

We do not have a magical all-powerful remote given to us by Christopher Walken.

So, the question is- what will you do with your PRESENT? It is really only here for a fleeting minute.

As you cannot relive the past-nor should you look too far into the future. (How can we all forget the disasters of poor overzealous Michael J Fox in the classic Back to The Future movies?)

In a past attempt to better ” center” myself/ find my chi, and create balance in my life, once I ventured into a Yoga class.

Sooo many mirrors.

I was terrible from the beginning. What I learned from that night?

1. I am incredibly inflexible.
2. I am even more incredibly distractible. (Did I mention all the mirrors???)
3. But I did actually maintain a great sense of balance at times…until I looked around and started comparing myself to others.

I have not been a regular Yoga go-er.

But I HAVE made some serious connections between the findings from that night & what I’ve come to learn about myself today.

1. I am incredibly inflexible.
2. I am even more incredibly distractible.
3. I DO actually have a great sense of balance at times…until I look around and start comparing myself to others.

My goal?

To ease up, learn to stretch a little with things that initially feel uncomfortable, and to stay FOCUSED on what’s important. Amidst distraction! And live MY life.

I think it’s possible. I know it is.

I’m going to stay positive and strive towards these goals.

Won’t you join me?

There’s no time like the present.

BONUS: Mini Christmas ornament tree canvas

I used a canvas ( from a set of 6 from the craft store), and 3 sets of 12 count mini ornaments. There were a couple sizes to choose from- I chose the middle size.

I set them out on the canvas in a tree shape, and did my best to arrange them without matching colors around.

I used my glue gun, and secured each one. ( You could also use glue dots.)

Topped it off with a cute little shiny paper bow, and voila! It can be hung on the wall, or on a door! Slightly obsessed. But I can’t get too attached. This one is off to the upcoming craft fair. I’ll make another in possibly a gold theme…Enjoy!

“As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.”

-Albert Einstein

“Mathematics is written for mathematicians.”

– Nicolaus Copernicus

1, 2,3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 50+, 

No, these are not the next winning lotto numbers- although- heck, I might try ’em!

These are simple numbers pertaining to my wonderfully chaotic life:

1–beautiful, loving Heavenly Father keeping me centered and alive

2 – times a week that I wash, blow-dry& straighten my hair & put on make up

3– times I’ve fallen down our front steps.  Walk much?

4–  books I’ve read since becoming a mother 6 years ago … Eeek!

5-seconds it takes my 3 little blessings to destroy the house

6-minutes it actually takes to unload the dishwasher… Then whhhyyyyy do I dread it so much??😆

7– years it took my husband to propose 😬

50+ letters of rejection from editors & literary agents

Ouch. The last one stings a little. Almost a tie with the 7 years thing… I mean, come on! Really??

Back to the writing…

Fun fact?

I’ve never shared that number before ( with anyone outside my little family circle).

Ever.

Just checking, are we in the trust tree? With the nest…?

Still with me? No judgement, remember?

Okay. I’ll continue.

Most people don’t even know I write & submit. Why didn’t I share this part of me long ago? Numbers. I knew the statistics of a first time writer “making it big” in the publishing world. I knew the odds were against me. And I did not want to be judged: for all my failures. 50+to be exact.  I’d rather be known for all my achievements! (Did I mention I make beautiful wreaths?????)

But it occurred to me that there were most certainly people out there who have failed at something at some point. And there are those who brushed themselves off & rose above it.

Since then, I opted to view it as 50+ times I chose NOT to give up.

I like to picture 2 different dinner parties going on- 1 next door to the other.

At the first, people gathered , engaged in serious conversations involving their latest and greatest feats of accomplishments, each 1 more determined than the other to outshine and one up the guests. There is a lot of sweating. 

At the second home, a loud rally, popping with stories of recent screw-ups, epic blunders, and famous face-plants- erupting with waves of laughter and high fives. There is even more sweating, but the good kind.

In my ever advancing adventure to redefine reality- I chose the latter shindig. Anyone with me?

So it is with those brave “goofed” souls in mind, that I share; slightly timid- but with a new sense of pride.

And now I’m writing more than ever.

Why? Because it’s who I am. I am a writer.

I did try to stop once- after a pretty big “no” came waffling in. It hurt. A lot. I decided to take a break. So I stuck my journal deep down in a box and shoved it way up in the closet. Did it work? Ha- I just scribbled notes & ideas on the back of shopping receipts & school flyers. And then, in response to a quiet voice, I started this blog.

Shortly after, in reaction to a beyond unforeseen tragedy, I poured my heart out into this newfangled virtual journal. And the response was immense. No judgment. No rejection letters. Rather- I was showered with affirmation and encouragement. Statements were made that truly touched my soul.

With that, I gained an even clearer perspective: it’s not about what happens to ME when I write- it’s about what could happen to OTHERS. If I can help someone, affect a life- somehow through my words, then I have paid it forward.

You see we each have gifts. And this is mine. It doesn’t always come in the splendidly wrapped package we expect or hope for. Sometimes it’s even disguised. But, once you accept it, it’s completely up to you & me what we do with it. Do we open it up & set it free? Or sit in the corner hugging it like toddler yelling, “Mine” at everyone who wants to take a peek?

If I’m insecure & anxious about acceptance or wait for a standing ovation every time I present myself- then I’ll never share or unfasten. But recently I’ve found the more I’m willing to quiet my own heart, strip down & bare-the more joy & warmth I feel from those around me.

So if you are feeling something inside, a calling of sorts- answer it. Please. The world needs you. And don’t worry about being perfect or flawless: it’s very boring and (psssst)- there’s no such thing.

On the flip side, if you are amidst something, and the road looks long & hard, and you’re feeling like you want to quit- don’t. Too many people give up right before something great happens. No one said Life would be easy.

“The darkest hour is just before the dawn.”

-Ancient Proverb

So please, don’t give up on your Dawn.

It’s coming: it always does.

I leave you with this happy equation:

1 hurting world + 1 inspired individual who fights to make a change DOES= a beautiful story 2 tell.

And that folks, is just simple Math. 😉

Until next time… Adieu!